At some point in our lives, we will be faced with the realization of our own mortality. As hair begins to gray, and our bones turn frail, we begin to understand that life, as precious as it is, must inevitably come to an end. We all go through the grieving process in our own ways. There is no universal method for healing. If you've dealt with this kind of loss, you know that the healing process sometimes feels impossible. You might feel like this lingering feeling will remain with you forever. You may hear the familiar bells of their favorite song or catch a faint scent that reminds you of their cooking. We hope that these few techniques can relieve that pain and help you move forward while honoring their lives.
One: There's no quick fix.
Dealing with grief isn't some scientific problem that we solve. Grief is an incredibly complex emotional journey, and it isn't a process that we should rush. We're not suggesting that grief is something you can fix by watching a quick YouTube video; it's definitely not that simple. So, as you watch this video of techniques to relieve your pain, understand that it's never as simple as a step-by-step guide. If you feel overwhelmed, there are professionals, family, and friends that you can reach out to. You are not alone.
處理悲傷和解決科學問題不一樣。悲傷是個極其複雜的情感之旅，且不該倉促走過中間的路程。我們的意思不是看個 YouTube 短片就可以化解悲傷；絕對沒有那麼簡單。所以你如果想利用片中的技巧來緩解傷痛，要記得這絕不是一部簡單的條列式指南。如果你痛到難以自抑，可以尋求專業人士與親友的協助。你不是孤零零一個人。
Okay, so, this is obviously much easier said than done. Accepting our grief sometimes feels like a battle in our minds. Part of us just wants to reject that reality of what has happened. And sometimes, we reject our deepest emotions which burn and twist deep inside of us. But it's important not to let yourself become numb. Own those feelings and understand why you're feeling them. Let them flow through every fiber of your body. Remember there are no right or wrong feelings. It's okay to feel everything that you're feeling even if it is confusing or disturbing.
Three: Companionship is key.
The people around us make a huge difference when we're dealing with grief. But as many experts have noted, they can either help or hinder our healing process. There are those who try to fix our grief, encouraging us to get over it. This obviously isn't very helpful. The best companions during these dark times know how to listen. Sometimes there are no words to express how we're feeling and no words to reassure us. And those people understand this. These people are just there for us, whether it means providing a distraction or lending a shoulder to cry on.
Four: Use art as an outlet.
Those deep heavy feelings of grief aren't just going to disappear, but you can channel those feelings into something creative. And art is one of the most helpful healing methods. In her book, It's Okay That You're Not Okay, psychotherapist Megan Devine recommends taking those emotions and pouring them into a painting, a graphic novel, or any other art form that gives you an outlet. Artistic expression lets you get grief off your chest as it's a form of emotional release.
悲傷的那種沉痛感不會自動消失，但你可以將其轉換為創造力。藝術是很有效的療傷方式。在《沒關係，是悲傷啊!》這本書中，心理治療師 Megan Devine 建議我們帶著這些情緒，把它們注入圖畫、繪本或任何可當作抒發管道的藝術形式中。展現藝術是種情緒釋放，讓悲傷抽離你的胸口。
Five: Write a journal.
Sometimes it's easier to keep silent rather than express our emotions. However, most psychologists agree that it's not a good idea to bottle everything inside. If art isn't your thing, keeping a journal is a great way to understand our emotions, including is grief. When writing our emotions, we confront, dissect, and ultimately come to terms with them. Based on the research on journaling in the psychological community, we understand its benefits, especially if you write over the course of multiple days. You don't have to share your journal with everyone, and that gives you total freedom to truly express yourself.
Six: Create your own rituals to honor those who have passed.
We don't mean shamanistic rituals that involve intermediaries or ancient traditions; these rituals can be anything you want them to be. Dr. Kim Bateman, a clinical psychologist, encourages us to think about what made our loved ones happy when creating our own rituals. Maybe your loved one really enjoyed a specific type of tea. Your ritual could be something really simple, such as pouring your loved one a cup of tea and thinking of a memory of them while their cup sits and steams. It doesn't matter what you believe in; this is just a way for you to honor their memory, plain and simple.
這裡不是指像薩滿教那種中世紀或古老傳統的儀式；這裡說的儀式可以是任何你想要的形式。臨床心理學家 Kim Bateman 博士鼓勵大家在創造個人儀式時，想想什麼會讓親友感到快樂。也許對方鍾情於某種茶葉。你的儀式可以很簡單，像是為他們倒杯茶，在杯子熱氣蒸騰時回憶與對方的美好時光。這無關乎個人的信仰；只是一種單純的緬懷方式。
Seven: Don't trust in the five stages of grief.
Most of us are familiar with the so-called five stages of grief. This was introduced to us by a psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, way back in 1969. And while it's definitely an interesting model, the entire concept is now a little outdated. Most modern psychologists agree that grief is not a linear process, and it can't be summed up as a simple equation or formula. Grief is experienced differently by everyone. Focus on how you are healing presently without anticipating what the next stage of this process may be.
多數人都很熟悉所謂的克服悲傷的五個步驟。這是 1969 年由精神科醫師 Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 所提出的。雖然這套理論的確很有趣，但概念已經有點過時了。現今大部分的心理學家都認同療傷不是個線性的過程，且不能用簡單的等式或公式得出結論。每個人歷經悲傷的方式都不同。專注於當下的治療，別去預測下一階段會是什麼樣子。
If you found this video helpful at all, please let us know in the comments. As we stated earlier, we're not trying to simplify grief, and we don't claim to have all the answers. That being said, feel free to share your own experiences with grief and how you heal from these experiences. You may help somebody else going through something. Thank you, and we appreciate you all as always.
- 「可以安慰你、讓你傾訴、提供協助的人」- a shoulder to cry on
These people are just there for us, whether it means providing a distraction or lending a shoulder to cry on.
- 「逐漸學習、理解或接受某事」- come to terms with something
When writing our emotions, we confront, dissect, and ultimately come to terms with them.
- 「不過、但是」- that being said
That being said, feel free to share your own experiences with grief and how you heal from these experiences.