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「老公有了小三,該怎麼辦?」- My Husband Has a Mistress


Hey, May, free to chat?

Sure, what's up?

How are things between you and Tom lately?
妳和 Tom 最近怎麼樣?

Things are steady. Right now Tom is working quite hard because Tina is about to start school.
很穩定呀。現在 Tom 很認真工作,因為 Tina 要開始上學了。

You better be sitting down for this. I saw a picture of Tom with some other chick and screenshot to send you.
妳最好坐下來面對這件事情。我看到一張 Tom 和另一個女人的合照,我截圖傳給妳看。

The second I saw that image, it was as if someone slapped me in the face. At first, I thought there must be some kind of misunderstanding. But after stalking her Facebook page, it was pretty clear that it wasn't a misunderstanding.
看到照片的當下,我覺得好像有人賞了我一巴掌。剛開始,我覺得其中一定有什麼誤會。但我在 Facebook 上偷偷追蹤她後,發現這很明顯不是誤會。

All of his declarations of love over time came flooding into my mind one after the next. He told me on our wedding day that he would only love me. He even promised my parents to take care of me until the day he dies. How could he do this to me?

I got a grip on myself and thought hard about what to do next. Should I get in touch with the other woman or wait to talk to him? I decided I'd wait to talk to him. When I had the chance, I asked him about the infidelity in a suggestive way. But that turned into a full-blown argument. He accused me of not trusting him, saying he worked so hard and can't believe he has to come home to this nonsense. Well, what about me? I also work hard to share the load and responsibility. I take care of our daughter, Tina. I look after the house. Whatever I can do, I do because I want our family unit to work.
我讓自己鎮靜下來,努力思考接下來到底該怎麼辦。我應該跟另一個女人聯絡嗎?還是先暫緩並和老公談談?我決定要跟他談談。我找機會用暗示的方式問他出軌的事情。但竟然變成一發不可收拾的爭吵。他責怪我不信任他,說自己工作非常辛苦,沒辦法相信回家後還要面對這種荒謬的言論。呃,那我呢?我也很努力要分擔家庭的負擔和責任啊。我照顧我們的女兒 Tina。我處理家裡內外的事情。只要是我能做的,我都會去做,因為我希望我們家能好好運作。

In the end, I decided to get in touch with the other woman, hoping that she would leave him alone if she knew that he was already married. But her reply was like another slap in the face. She said, "I already knew he was married, but I didn't care. I love him, and I make him happy. I can accept the situation. You're already his wife. What more do you want? Just accept it."

Wait. What's going on? How can having a fling be considered as okay? How can having a mistress be totally normal? I just wanna be a part of a family with only one husband and one wife. Does that make me selfish? I really have no clue what to do anymore.

I know my decision will have an impact on our daughter. I want her to have a loving family, and I don't want her to lose her father. I don't want her to be hurt. But if I stay and put up with it just for our daughter, she'll have a family where her dad doesn't love her mom. Is that really better for her?

So I texted my husband to say I needed to speak with him and told him that if he doesn't show up, I'd take that to be his decision. After we had our argument yesterday, he disappeared and didn't come home to sleep. It's obvious where he spent the night. Before this, when he would tell me that he was busy and that he would be out a lot, I didn't suspect anything, because I trusted him; I believed him.

"I'm going to sleep over at friend's." "I'm going to a conference." "My battery died." "I didn't have signal." Blah, blah, blah.

I sat and waited for him, really not sure whether he would turn up. But he did. And not just that, but he asked me if things could go back to the way they were. He said that he would respect me as his wife and take care of me and our daughter, but then he added that there may be some days where he goes to see her. He told me that he still loves me and that it was perfectly normal in this day and age to have many homes.

I couldn't listen to his selfishness a second longer and told him to shut up! I made my decision right there and then. After all, the day we exchanged vows, I was to be his wife, his only wife. There was no talk of wife and mistress or any other arrangement.

Some time after he left, I got a message on Facebook. I opened the message and it said, "Thank you for letting him go. He told me so long ago already that he was bored with you, but he only put up with you to not lose face even though you were such a boring wife."
他離開一段時間後,,我收到了一則 Facebook 訊息。我點開訊息,上面說:「謝謝妳放他走。他好久以前就告訴我他已經厭倦妳了,但只是為了不要丟臉在忍受妳而已,即使妳是個很無聊的老婆。」

After I saw her message, I was thinking about what to do next. But then, my husband came back to apologize again, but this time, he told me he would end things with her. So I told him to call her right there in front of me. When he did, I heard that other woman crying, pleading that he can love whoever he wanted, but just don't leave her.

I cut her off and told her, "Pull yourself together and grow up. You'll still have so many opportunities to meet someone. Why are you so hung up on a guy who's already married?"

Her reply left me speechless.

She said, "I'm okay with it."

So I told her, "It doesn't matter what you think, because I'm not okay with it. My husband chose me and our daughter over you, so leave us alone."

I'm really happy these days. I have a warm, loving family together with Tina and my parents. As for my husband, well, ex-husband, I divorced him about two months after that incident. He asked me why I'm still leaving him when I forgave him. But even though I can honestly say with my whole heart that I forgave him and don't hold any grudges, I just couldn't forget it. Actually, I knew I wouldn't forget something like this the day I took him back. But I wanted to teach them both a lesson.
我最近很開心。我和 Tina 和我爸媽一起擁有一個溫暖又充滿愛的家庭。至於我老公,嗯,前夫,那件事發生後的兩個月我就跟他離婚了。他問我為什麼原諒他後還是要離開他。因為即使我能很誠實且真心地說我已經原諒他了,也不再記仇,但我就是忘不掉這件事情。事實上,我和他和好的那天,我就知道我絕對沒辦法忘記這種事情。但我想好好教訓一下他們兩個。

Now you might be thinking, She's so mean. But you don't understand. I feel like I'm broken. The pain, the doubt, it never goes away. I told him I still loved him more than anything—that I wouldn't keep him apart from our daughter, who he can see whenever he wants.

But I wanted to end things on good terms now rather than hating each other down-the-line. I told him I wouldn't be angry if he met someone else he loved who loved him, too, but that he should not do what he did to me to someone else.

Some people learn from their mistakes. But some people really just don't get it and somehow get away with things. Each person has a choice. And I've chosen for it to be this way. I think that with time, our daughter will see that having a father around who doesn't love her mother, a father who won't stop cheating even after I took him back, would be much worse than having a mother who assumes the role of both parents.

Things are better this way. I don't care what people say or if they think raising a kid on my own is a failure. Actually, I see it as an achievement. I chose to get myself out of something that made me unhappy. I now make my own happiness, and I can fully be there for my daughter.

What I've learned is that you can love whoever you want as long as no one is getting hurt in the process, whether it's a person that you love, someone else, or even yourself. And the people who truly love you will never hurt you, physically or emotionally. You shouldn't ever have to compromise your integrity or your pride if they really do love you. So don't ever accept getting hurt in the name of love, and never use love to hurt others.




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