Stephen Covey wrote a book called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People few years ago. Some of you may be familiar with it. He had a lot of really great stuff on listening in his book. Amongst that, he had five...he identified five levels of listening.
Stephen Covey 幾年前寫過一本叫做「高效率人們的七種習慣」。你們某些人可能對那很熟悉。他在書裡有許多關於傾聽真的很棒的東西。在那之中，他有五個...他訂定傾聽的五個等級。
Now the first three levels are kind of waffling. None of you should be listening at that level. It's the last two—active and empathic listening—that I want to talk about.
Active listening is when you are actively engaged, so you might be asking questions; you might be nodding; you might be making listening sounds, uh huh, uh huh, hmm...that's interesting.
And paraphrasing is also involved in active listening. Paraphrasing is great, because when you repeat the words back to someone that they have said in your own words, it gives them a chance not only to clarify but also to let them know that you're listening. So active listening is nice.
But Covey says we should be working towards the big one—empathic listening—and that is listening with your left and your right brain. Now what that means is listening with your left brain for the words, and listening with your right brain for the emotion.
但 Covey 說我們應該要朝向更重大的那一種去努力－－同理傾聽－－那是用你的左腦和右腦傾聽。現在那表示用你的左腦傾聽話語，並用你的右腦傾聽情緒。
So if you listen with your right brain, you might hear things in body language. So, it's my son. You might hear things like tension in a voice, tiredness in the slump of a shoulder. If you learn to listen for emotion, you're gonna pick up a whole heap more information.
So what do we do about listening? How do we become better listeners? Well, one thing is listen for repetitive words. People repeat the stuff that's important to them. So I feel like I had to ask my husband; I feel like this is sounding really good; I feel like this is the right choice for me, right? Feeling is important to that person. They've also given you some extra information, because if someone is using the word "feeling" a lot, it also means they have quite been on a preference.
People also emphasize stuff that's important to them. I'm gonna snap! I'm at the end of my tether! Listen for emphasis.
See? This is the stuff that we can't do if we're doing all the talking.
So if you listen through a repetition, listen for emphasis, you're going to start honing in on the stuff that's really important to them.
Try and focus on the big picture, and this is particularly when you're with people who ramble a lot, you know, people live in a stream of consciousness—I'm sure you know the one—the person who comes in and says, "Hi, I'm thinking about going on a trip to Bali, because bikini stores at the Bali was really great. And I was gonna get to Seminyak, because I heard it's got all the bars and all the fun over there. But, you know, my boy sort of likes surfing, so I thought that maybe we should go to Dekuta. In fact, Terry's been surfing since he was six. You should see him. Can I show you the photos? I was thinking about going to Phuket." Right, you know the ones I'm talking about?
嘗試並專注於重點上，而這特別是當你和很常碎碎念的人在一起時，你知道，生活在意識流中的人－－我相信你認識這種人－－那種人會進來然後說：「嗨，我在想要去峇里島旅遊，因為峇里島的比基尼商店都很棒。我還要去 Seminyak，因為我聽說那兒有酒吧和所有有趣的東西。但是，你知道的，我兒子有點喜歡衝浪，所以我想也許我們應該去 Dekuta。事實上，Terry 從他六歲就開始衝浪。你應該看看他。我可以給你看照片嗎？我在想要改去普吉島。」好的，你知道我在說的那種人嗎？
Focus on your big picture, get right up in a helicopter and try just to listen for the message.
Don't dominate the conversation. You know who you are. People who like to talk too much and like to just throw all their information in, don't dominate.
If you've ever had a time, and I'm sure you have, because most of us have been through this when you've told a story, you stop your story, and there's just the silence, like crickets chirping on the Simpsons, right? No one was listening. How do you feel? We don't feel good when we're not listened to. So don't dominate. Learn to harness yourself and stop and listen.
Finally, listen without judgement. It's a really difficult thing to do, because we tend to, as human beings, we judge. Let someone get that thought out first before you come back to judge.
And finally, Hugh Mackay the social researcher says that listening is a gift, a generous gift that we give the other person, a very respectful generous gift. And if you shut down all the folders in your mind and listen like a lion, and focus on the one person speaking to you, it is a gift. And you equally will get an enormous gift back with all the information that comes your way.
最後，社會研究員 Hugh Mackay 表示傾聽是種禮物，一份我們給予他人大方的禮物，一份帶著敬意非常大方的禮物。如果你闔上腦中所有儲存想法的文件夾，並像獅子狩獵般傾聽，並專注於跟你說話的那一個人身上，這是份禮物。你同樣也會得到一份極大的回禮，帶著送到你面前的所有資訊。