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「童話幻想破滅中!誠實預告片帶你重新認識《美女與野獸》」- Honest Trailers: Beauty and the Beast


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The following is an honest movie trailer.
以下內容為誠實電影預告片。

It's a tale as old as time, a song as old as rhyme—an enchantress turning an 11-year-old into a feral monster, who, 10 years later, traps a girl in a castle until she loves him. You know, that old chestnut!
這是個像歲月一樣悠久的故事、一首有如音韻一般古老的歌曲--女巫把一個十一歲小孩變成兇猛怪物,他十年後會把一個女孩困在城堡內到她愛上他為止。你知道,那個老掉牙的故事!

Beauty and the Beast
《美女與野獸》

Welcome to this poor provincial French village, where everyone has an American accent.
歡迎來到這個窮鄉僻壤的法國村莊,這裡每個人都有美國腔。

It's not right for a woman to read.
女人讀書是不對的。

What's wrong with her?
她有什麼毛病?

She's crazy!
她瘋了!

Marie! The baguette.
瑪莉!長棍麵包。

And meet Belle, daughter of the local killing-machine inventor.
來認識貝兒,本地殺人機器發明家之女。

Belle, look out!
貝兒,小心!

Belle longs for adventure, and she'll get just that when she's kidnapped by the Beast, a prince who's so bad at his job he's been missing for 10 years and no one seems to notice.
貝兒渴望冒險,而她被野獸綁架後就能如願了,野獸是個超不盡責的王子,他都失蹤十年了但好像沒人發現。

What is this place?
這是什麼地方?

Watch romance bloom between her and Prince...him. They never do say his name, do they? In this fairy tale that teaches every kid it's what on the inside that counts, but it doesn't hurt to be so rich you own a castle with its own library and some magic slaves. Cheer as this strong, smart, independent woman rejects this violent, controlling, bad-mannered, hairy dude, who imprisons her dad, for this violent, controlling, bad-mannered, hairy dude, who imprisons her dad. Wait, why does he lock up her dad? The dude clearly wants to be left alone.
看愛意茁壯在她和王子...他之間。他們從沒說過他的名字,對吧?在這個教導每個孩子真正重要的是內在的童話故事,不過有錢到有一個附有專屬圖書館和神奇奴隸的城堡也沒什麼不好。歡呼吧,當這個堅定、聰明、獨立的女人拒絕這個暴力、控制狂、沒教養、全身毛的傢伙,他還囚禁了她老爸,為了這個暴力、控制狂、沒教養、全身毛的傢伙,他還囚禁了她老爸。等等,他幹嘛把她爸關起來?這傢伙很顯然想要自己一個人啊。

I'll give you a place to stay.
我會給你一個地方待著。

No!
不!

Couldn't he just, you know, let him leave and get eaten by wolves or something? That seems a lot easier than feeding an old man for decades.
他難道不能就,你知道,讓他走然後被大野狼還是什麼吃掉之類的?那好像比養一個老頭子幾十年簡單多了。

But Belle isn't alone. She's trapped with dozens of living objects that raise dozens of uncomfortable questions like...Did everything that moves use to be a person? Like, are all those plates people? And what happened to all the actual stuff? Did it merge with the servants? Will they go to trial for murdering all those villagers? That bureau straight up crushes that guy. If the Beast earned the curse, why did all the servants get deformed too? Man, this movie is messed up!
不過貝兒不是獨自一人。她和一堆活的東西困在一起,那讓人想到很多不太舒服的問題,像是...所有會動的東西以前都是人嗎?像是,那些盤子都是人?那真正的東西發生什麼事了?它和僕人合為一體了嗎?它們會因為謀殺村民被審判嗎?那個衣櫥真的壓死那傢伙耶。如果野獸自己招來詛咒,為什麼僕人也都要變形?老天,這部電影真是一團糟!

So be Disney's guest at this tale as old as Stockholm syndrome, which was the first animated feature to be nominated for Best Picture but lost to a movie with a very similar plot...
那麼來當迪士尼的座上嘉賓吧,在這和斯德哥爾摩症候群一樣古老的故事,這是第一部被提名最佳影片的動畫片,不過它輸給一部劇情很雷同的電影...

You will join me for dinner.
妳將和我一起吃晚餐。

It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
妳把乳液塗在身上,不然就再被水管伺候。

...and managed to distract us from its messed-up story with some of Disney's most beloved songs, like...the "I'm Too Good for This Place" song.
...還試圖用一些迪士尼最受喜愛的歌曲來讓我們不去注意這很亂來的故事,像是...〈這地方配不上我〉之歌。

There goes the baker
麵包師傅來了

Oh my God, I hate him
老天,我討厭死他了

Doesn't he know I'm gluten-free?
他不知道我不吃麩質嗎?

Everyone here is so lame
這裡每個人都超瞎

Oh my God, I can't even
我的老天,我甚至沒辦法

Believe this stupid town
相信這一個蠢村莊

Hey, cram it, Belle!
嘿,閉嘴,貝兒!

Good morning, peasant.
早安啊,鄉下人。

Where are you off to?
妳要去哪?

The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful story. But you probably don't know how to read.
書店。我剛看完一本最棒的故事。不過你大概不識字吧。

Sweet Christ. You read! No one cares! Shut up!
我的上帝啊。妳讀書!沒人在意啦!閉嘴!

Looks down her nose at us like we're no better
用鼻孔看我們好像我們比較低級

Acting like her merde doesn't smell
表現得像她的屎不會臭一樣

Never does an ounce of work
從來不用做半點事

But treats us like we're jerks
不過把我們當白癡

No denying she's the first millennial
難怪她是第一個千禧草莓族

The "Sucking Yourself Up" song.
〈忍耐吧〉之歌。

I guess he's rich
我猜他很有錢

And sometimes kind
有時候人不賴

But he looks like a woolly mammoth's shaved behind
不過他看起來像長毛象刮毛後的屁股

I do love dogs
我是愛狗

But I'm not sure
不過我不確定

That a dog man is someone I think I could pork
毛毛狗人我吞不吞得下去

The "It Sucks to Work Here" song.
〈在這工作爛透了〉之歌。

Go ahead
快來吧

Stuff your face
盡情吃

We are both stuck in this place
我們都被困在這鬼地方

We got here with no idea
我們來這的時候不知道

We'd turn into an IKEA
我們會被變成 IKEA 家具

There's no breaks
沒休息

There's no pay
沒薪水

And we're trapped in here all day
整天被困在這裡

Just because my boss was a dick
只因為我老闆是個渾球

I become a French candlestick?
我就變成法國燭臺?

None of us
我們沒人

Deserved it
應該這樣

Our poor friend the toilet
我們可憐的朋友馬桶

That guy used to be a restaurant maitre d'
那傢伙以前是餐廳經理

Now for the 10 years passed
現在十年過去

He only sees Beast's ass
他只能看野獸屁屁

I must confess
我必須承認

We are oppressed
我們被壓榨

Get snapped in half if we protest
如果抗議就直接變兩半

We're so stressed
我們壓力好大

And depressed
又很不開心

Let us rest!
讓我們休息啊!

And "The Toxic Relationship" song.
還有〈有害關係〉之歌

Cut her off from friends
不讓她見朋友

And her family
還有她家人

Throw her in a cage
把她丟到籠子裡

Fly into a rage
突然就生氣

Unpredictably
毫無預料地

She can't get away
她不能逃走

She can't be released
她不能被釋放

She's in constant fear
她不停恐懼

Because she's trapped in there
因為她被困在那

Please call the police
拜託叫警察

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