The 8 Stages of Running a Marathon
Wow, what a beautiful day! Listen to everyone cheering! This is gonna be great. Months of training is paying off now. I'm hydrated, glucosed up, and my mental game is on point. Let's...do this!
Okay. So, I'm a little behind on my normal pace—no big deal. Just keep going. And I think I missed a spot on my thigh with my body glide... Sure that won't be a problem. Nah...I don't need to stop for water just yet. Oh look, here comes some hills! That'll be fun.
Wait, I'm not even halfway through yet? Feels like I've been running forever! What's with all these hills? Is the whole course hills? I think this is gonna be tougher than I thought.
Where is everybody? Am I still on course? I haven't seen a water stop in forever. Why didn't I get water earlier? Well, it's just me, myself, and the road, I guess. Nothing left to do besides confront all of my inner demons!
I am going to die! Why did I ever decide to do this?! My thighs are raw like two hams, and I think my toenails just fell off! What else could possibly go wrong?! Ahh, great! The runner's trots! Well, at least I haven't hit the wall yet.
6. The Wall
Dah! I hit the wall... I have never been so tired in all of my life. Even my teeth are tired! I...I think I should just quit—just stop passing me, you jerks!!!
No! I need to power through! I didn't train for months to give up this late. Time to dig deep. Think of that Olympic runner who finished with a broken leg. That was really gross, but the point is if he can do it, so can I! Now, come on! The finish line is right up there! One foot in front of the other!
Yes! I did it! Oh, this is the greatest feeling in the world... Carry me to the car. I am going to eat my weight in pasta and sleep for five days.