Today, I wanted to share something that's been on my mind recently. But to preface it, I grew up without social media. I had an account at one point as a teenager, but I rarely used it.
今天我想跟大家分享最近我一直在想的事情。不過前情提要一下，我成長的過程中沒有使用過社群媒體。我十幾歲的時候曾經辦過帳號，但也很少用。
Last year was when I first became consistently active on social media. And it has been a wonderful way to connect with other artists and all of you, and I can say for certain that the story and messages you've shared have enriched my life. I've enjoyed it very much.
去年是我第一次開始頻繁使用社群媒體。這真的是個很棒的方式，能和其他創作者連結，也能和你們分享作品，而我可以很肯定地說，你們跟我分享的故事和訊息都豐富了我的生活。我很樂在其中。
But I've also observed how easy it is for social media to fuel a sense of inadequacy and comparison. As someone who hasn't been exposed to it for very much until now, I see how powerful it can be and cannot imagine the influence it has over people who've had it all their lives.
但我也觀察到，社群媒體非常容易讓人產生匱乏感和比較心理。對於我這個目前為止還不算社群媒體重度使用者來說，我就能看出它的影響力有多強，根本無法想像這一生都在用社群媒體的人被影響了多少。
It is so easy to see what someone shares, especially their lifestyle, as something you wish you had. But in my case, that feeling never went away by moving over here. When I was in the city, I romanticized country living. And then when I moved, leaving my community and my friends, I started to romanticize city living.
我們很容易就把某個人分享的事情，特別是他們的生活方式，當作是自己想要的。但以我的情況來說，搬來這裡後這種感覺一直沒有消散。我住在都市的時候，我將鄉村生活想像得很美好。但我搬來這裡、離開我的圈子和朋友，讓我又開始嚮往都市生活。
Out here, there aren't very many people. And so, while it is still very possible to make friends who share your interests, it's not as easy as in the city with hundreds of thousands of people. There are few restaurants, shops. And to get to large stores, you need to take a two-hour round trip.
這裡人不多。所以說，雖然還是滿容易找得到跟你志同道合的朋友，但比起城市數十萬人口，還是差遠了。這裡餐廳、店面都少。要到大賣場，來回還得花上兩個小時。
Initially, while living here, I missed my book clubs, my coworkers, and had a horrible sense
that I was missing out on life by living in such a quiet area. I kept thinking, "I'm so young. Why am I not traveling the world and doing exciting things?"
我剛搬來的時候很想念我的讀書會和同事，還有一種很糟的感受，認為自己住在這麼安靜的區域根本就是錯過人生。我一直想：「我這麼年輕。為什麼我不是正在環遊世界、做一些刺激的事情呢？」
I'd see photos of my friends online going out to restaurants and taking vacations to other places, and I felt like I was horribly boring. I was just working all the time on minimum wage
and trying to afford my health insurance. If you live in America, you know what I mean. Well, that has now changed. And I finally feel financially secure. For a long time, I still wondered about the careers and opportunities I may have had in the city.
在網路上看到朋友去餐廳或去其他地方玩的照片時，我就會覺得自己真的超無趣。我無時無刻都在工作，賺最低時薪，為了要負擔我的健保費用。如果你住在美國，你就會懂我的意思。不管怎麼說，現在已經改變了。我終於覺得經濟上稍微有點安全感。長時間以來，我還是會想像自己如果待在都市的話，會有什麼樣的工作、獲得什麼樣的機會。
When I was working past jobs, it was easy to compare myself to friends who were able to afford things easier and had jobs that I thought were maybe more impressive. When my income increased, I felt more at ease in some areas, but I still didn't feel any more satisfied with my life.
我在做之前的工作的時候，很容易拿自己和那些賺得比較多、工作比較體面的朋友做比較。當我收入增加之後，我在某些方面比較有餘裕了，但我還是對我的人生不滿意。
Well, of course, I do not blame social media for making me insecure. Exposure to it still made me regularly question my own happiness and satisfaction with life, especially when online, everyone else seems happier than you. It brought up insecurities that I've never experienced before this year. I quickly realized how important it was to only be involved in online communities that add true value, education, or inspire my creativity. I also found that with social media, it is easy to project your own dissatisfaction or insecurity on other people instead of empowering yourself to embrace who you are and that everyone's timeline is different.
當然，我不是在怪社群媒體讓我感到沒安全感。使用社群媒體依然讓我常常質疑我對生活的快樂和滿足，尤其是上網的時候，你會覺得所有人都過得比你幸福。這使我湧起一股今年以前從未感受過的不安全感。我很快地就發現一件重要的事情，就是只接觸那些會帶來真正價值、有教育意義或能激發創造力的社群。我也發現，有了社群媒體，就很容易把自己的不滿和不安投射在他人身上，反而沒有充實自己、擁抱真實的自己，沒有體認到每個人的生命時間軌都是不同的。
As I grew to understand myself better, I realized that I was preoccupied with comparison and judging other lifestyles simply by the highlights I saw online instead of really asking myself, "Would that life suit me? Would that lifestyle help me, help other people, and leave the world a better place?"
在更了解自己的同時，我了解到自己太容易和別人比較，只單看別人在網路上精彩的照片就評斷他人的人生，反而沒有好好問自己：「那會適合我嗎？那樣的生活方式會幫助我、幫助他人、讓世界更美好嗎？」
I needed to work towards my goals accepting that I may not get instant gratification. If I hadn't been able to move to the countryside when I did, I am confident I could be just as happy in the city, embracing the chapters of my story, and slowly but surely working towards my dreams, and gaining a lot of experience along the way.
我得努力朝目標前進，接受自己可能不會得到立即的滿足感。如果我當時沒搬到鄉下，我相信我在都市會過得一樣快樂，擁抱自己故事的篇章，緩慢但踏實地朝夢想前進，一路上也能獲得許多經驗。
That leads me to talk about this channel and the aspects of life I choose to highlight here. As you can see, I share, for the most part, happy or thoughtful days that are full of peace and calm.
讓我和你們聊聊這個頻道和我在頻道中想要強調的生活面向吧。你們可以看到，我大部分都是分享快樂或充實的日子，充滿和平與寧靜。
But I have bad, lazy, hectic days all the time. I'm not who I want to be every day. And I fall short a lot, and I can be very self-critical. Sometimes I cry, and I actually, I cry a lot. Those are usually very private moments.
但我也常常過得很糟、很懶、很混亂。我不是每天都是自己想要的樣子。我很不足、很容易自我批評。有時候我會哭，而且其實，我很常哭。那些其實都是很私密的時刻。
And when I'm upset, I spend time with someone I love, like my boyfriend. And it would seem very strange to pull out a camera and start filming those very raw moments while keeping them authentic, mostly because I want this channel to be about inspiration, and ideas, and peace, and art, not my own daily struggles. It is also very important to me to not force other people to be part of my videos, if it makes them uncomfortable. That is why I don't share everything, because when I'm with someone or experiencing a very special moment, I want to experience it fully. Pausing to capture it for posterity would detract from that.
我不開心的時候，會和我所愛的人共度，例如我男朋友。所以這樣會非常奇怪，如果拿出相機，開始拍攝那些粗糙難堪的時刻，同時又要保持真實，主要是因為我希望這個頻道可以讓大家充滿靈感、點子、平靜和藝術，不是我個人日常的掙扎。對我來說，不強迫其他人在我的頻道露臉也是很重要的，如果這會讓他們感到不自在的話。那也是為什麼我沒有分享一切，因為當我和某個人正在共度非常特別的時光，我會希望我全心全意地投入。如果為了以後要回味而暫停捕捉這個畫面，當下的感受會被削弱。
Instead, I know that the only way I will keep being inspired to make videos is to make them when motivated and enjoying my life. But how I like to communicate those hard moments is through my words, where I try to share a more intimate reality. That's what makes me comfortable and keeps me inspired, I suppose. I hope that makes sense.
相反的，我知道唯一能讓我做影片的時候充滿靈感的方法就是非常積極、享受人生的時候。但我是透過文字傳遞那些困難的時光，在文字裡，我能分享更私密的現實。那樣的方式讓我感到自在，持續激發我的想法，我猜。希望你們有懂我的意思。
Anyway, I appreciate all of you. I really do. And I hope you're doing well and embracing whatever chapter of your story you are currently in. Each one is precious and has so much to give. I really believe there is so much love and beauty in this messy world. Everyone is different and moving at their own pace. Take care, and have a lovely day or night.
不管怎麼說，很感謝你們所有人。真的。希望你現在過得好，無論你現在身處你生命故事中的哪個篇章，希望你都能敞開雙手接受。每個階段都很珍貴，你也能從中獲得很多。我真的相信在這混亂的世界中還有很多愛與美好。每個人都不同，都以自己的步調前進。保重身體，祝你們有個美好的白天或夜晚。
- 「逐漸開始做某事」- grow to do something
As I grew to understand myself better, I realized that I was preoccupied with comparison...
在更了解自己的同時，我了解到自己太容易和別人比較...
