Is this like an anti-establishment thing or something?
你這是反建制行動還是怎樣？
Britain is an old-fashioned, weird place. Every November, we burn a wooden effigy of a dude who tried to burn down Parliament hundreds of years ago. We turned people we like into knights. However, the most ridiculous thing that we have is our laws. If you wear a suit of armor in Parliament, they're legally allowed to cut your head off. Ha-ha, this is ridiculous. That's not the only dumb British law; we've got tons of them. And I don't even know if anyone takes these things seriously. So today I'm going to test that and try and break as many ancient British laws as possible in one day in front of policemen and hope that I don't get arrested.
英國是一個很傳統又很奇怪的地方。每年十一月，我們會焚燒一個男人的木偶，這個男人幾百年前想要燒掉國會。我們把我們喜歡的人加冕成騎士。但是，最荒謬的東西是我們的法律。如果你在英國國會大廈裡穿一身鎧甲，他們可以合法把你的頭砍掉。哈哈，實在太荒謬了。這不是唯一一條英國的蠢法律；有一大堆。我甚至不知道是不是大家都把這些法律當一回事。所以今天我就要測試，要在一天之內在警察面前盡量違反這些古老的英國法律，希望我不要被抓。
Breaking Stupid Ancient Laws
違反愚蠢的古老法律
Law 1
法律一
Do you think that this is a suspicious fish?
你覺得這是一條很可疑的魚嗎？
Oh, definitely.
喔，很可疑。
You know there is a law where it's illegal to handle a salmon suspiciously.
你知道有一條法律是，可疑地抱著一條鮭魚是違法的。
Salmon Act
《鮭魚法令》
Handling salmon in suspicious circumstances
在可疑情況下處理鮭魚
I've got the salmon. Now I have to act suspiciously with it. He's checking if his car's locked. That's how f**king creepy I look.
我有一條鮭魚了。現在我得拿著它可疑地行動。他在看他的車子有沒有鎖起來。我看起來就是他＊的這麼詭異。
What've you got a fish for?
你為什麼要拿一條魚？
Does it look suspicious to you?
你覺得看起來很可疑嗎？
It doesn't look suspicious, but it does look interesting.
看起來不可疑，但看起來很有趣。
It's not suspicious. Well, I'll try harder to be more suspicious.
看起來不可疑。好吧，我要更努力看起來更可疑一點。
The f**k is that?!
那他*的是什麼鬼？!
Ladies and gentlemen, would you like to see a man walking past with a fish?
各位先生女士，你們有看到一個男人抱著一條魚經過嗎？
Pointless.
超沒意義的。
Do you know if there's a library nearby, do you?
你知道附近有沒有圖書館嗎？
Law 2
法律二
Library & Offences Act, 1898
1898 年《圖書館犯罪法》
Gambling in a library
在圖書館賭博
Apparently, it's illegal to gamble in a library. So me, stinking of salmon, am going to go try and make someone bet with me in this library and break that law.
在圖書館賭博顯然是違法的。所以我，沾著滿身臭鮭魚腥味，要進到這間圖書館，試圖找人跟我賭博，違反這條法律。
Excuse me, do either of you gamble? Yes, gamble, like blackjack. We don't have to play for money if you don't want to—I've got a sashimi-quality fish.
不好意思，你們有誰會賭博嗎？對，賭博，像是二十一點。如果你們不想要的話，我們不用真的拿錢賭－－我可以拿我生食級的魚來賭。
Excuse me, I've got great game of blackjack. Sorry if I smell.
不好意思，我有很好玩的二十一點。抱歉我現在很臭。
How come you're doing this?
為什麼你要這樣做？
I'm tryna break as many ancient laws as I can in a day. You going again? Oof, bust. 10p for me.
我想要在一天之內盡量多違反幾個古老的法律。再一張嗎？唉呦，爆了。十便士我收下啦。
I've gambled in a library.
我成功在圖書館賭博了。
Law 3
法律三
I'm gonna walk right into that building there in a suit of armor—something that apparently you're supposed to get your head cut off for.
我要穿著鎧甲直接走進那棟建築物－－顯然是個會被砍頭的舉動。
Parliament Act, 1313
1313 年《國會法》
Statute forbidding bearing of armour
禁止身穿鎧甲的法令
A public gallery?
這是公共旁聽席對吧？
Yes.
是的。
Okay. Great.
好。太好了。
Um... Not sure if the armor—
呃...我不確定穿鎧甲－－
You haven't got a real sword, have you?
你這把劍應該不是真的吧？
No, no. It's plastic.
不是、不是。這是塑膠的。
Sorry, it's just this has never happened. Have a look at the sign. Make sure you don't have any of these.
抱歉，因為沒有人這樣過。請看一下標示。要確定你沒有帶這些東西喔。
I definitely don't have any of those.
我保證身上沒有這些東西。
Why are you dressed as a knight?
為什麼你要打扮成騎士的樣子？
I've just been filming around the corner doing my—we're doing the kids' TV thing.
我只是在到處拍影片，在製作我的－－我們在拍兒童電視節目。
Okay.
好的。
Amazing.
太棒了吧。
I just went into Parliament, wearing a suit of armor, and I still have a head. All right. Next one.
我剛剛走進國會大廈，穿著盔甲，我的人頭還在脖子上。好啦。下一個。
Buckingham Palace (The Queen's House)
白金漢宮（女王寢宮）
Law 4
法律四
You can't shake out a dirty rug in public.
你不能在公共場合抖動拍打髒地毯。
Met Police Act, 1839
1839 年《大都會警察法》
Shaking a rug in public after 8 a.m.
早上八點之後在公共場合抖動毯子。
And also can't wear an outrageous double ruff...
也不能穿著詭異的雙層皺褶領...
Law 5
法律五
Wearing an outrageous double ruff
穿著詭異的雙層皺褶領
...or be sockless within a hundred yards of the Queen.
...或者距離女王一百碼內沒穿襪子。
Law 6
法律六
Being sockless within 100 yards of the Queen
與女王距離一百碼內但是沒穿襪子。
Just shaking the rug.
我只是在抖毯子。
All right.
好。
Wearing a double ruff, being sockless...
我穿雙層皺褶領、沒穿襪子...
Is it like an anti-establishment thing or something? Are you filming now?
這是反建制行動還是怎樣？你在拍片嗎？
Law 7
法律七
There's a law against singing a lewd ballad in public.
有一條法律是禁止在公共場合唱低俗的抒情歌。
Met Police Act, 1839
1839 年《大都會警察法》
Singing obscene ballads in public
在公共場合唱低俗的抒情歌
I'm pretty sure Tony Blair lives around here. I'll try and do a bit of improv.
我很確定 Tony Blair（註）住這附近。我要來做個即興表演。
Just gonna sing a song—I've written a little song, if that's okay?
我只是想唱首歌－－我寫了一首短短的歌，我唱給你聽可以嗎？
If you do it on the other side of the road, yeah.
如果你在馬路對面唱的話可以。
Okay.
好。
Tony, Tony
Tony、Tony
How are you today?
你今天好嗎？
Tony, boy, Tony, please come out and play
Tony，男孩，Tony，請你出來玩
You look like a marshmallow
你長得就像棉花糖
Our eyes meet over the piano
我們的眼神隔著鋼琴交會
Oh, I'd love to nestle my head on your
喔，我想要把我的頭躺在你
Fluffy chest
毛茸茸的胸膛上
Tony, boy, Tony
Tony，男孩，Tony
Come out and play
出來玩吧
Well, I sang about hooking up with Tony Blair to his window. I guess that's lewd—that's another law broken, another off the list. So stupid.
好了，我剛剛對著 Tony Blair 的窗戶唱了一首跟他調情的歌。我覺得那應該算低俗了吧－－反正又違反了一條法律囉，又劃掉一項。太蠢了。
Law 8
法律八
I've never been to Downing Street before.
我從來沒去過唐寧街。
10 Downing Street: residence of the prime minister.
唐寧街 10 號：首相住所。
Town and Police Clauses Act, 1847
1847 年《城鎮與警察條款法》
Knocking on a door and running away
敲完門之後跑掉
VICE does not condone breaking the law unless it's a stupid law.
VICE 並沒有縱容違法，蠢法律另當別論。
註一：Tony Blair 為英國前任首相。
