It's such a weird stereotype to have associated with your ethnicity. Right? That stereotype of, like, Asian parents wanting their kids to be doctors. Right? It's, like, such a weird thing to have on your race. Like, what is that? Is that good? Is that bad? I thought it was, like, a good thing. Apparently, it's, like, worthy of mockery. Right?
跟種族有關的刻板印象真的超奇怪的。對吧？像是亞洲父母都很希望小孩當醫生這種刻板印象。這種種族刻板印象真的很怪。到底是怎樣？這印象好？還是不好？我覺得很好啊。好到值得拿來嘲笑一番。對不對？
Asian parents wanting their kids to be doctors—it's weird because it's truth. Right? I know because my parents were the same way. They just wanted us to be doctors. It was, like, this obsession. They just wanted us to be doctors. And it's insidious as well because when Asian parents want their kids to be doctors, helping people is, like, on the bottom of the list of reasons... Oh! If it even makes the list...of reasons to go into medicine. Helping people is like the unfortunate by-product of becoming a healthcare professional.
亞洲父母希望小孩當醫生－－這超怪的，因為這是真的。我知道是真的，因為我爸媽也這樣希望。他們就是希望我們當醫生。這是種執念。就是希望我們當醫生。但這其實很陰險，因為亞洲父母希望小孩當醫生，但是「幫助他人」這件事情，大概是當醫生的好處排行榜上的最後一個...喔!說的好像這會進榜咧...根本不是當醫生的好處啊。「幫助他人」大概是不幸產生的副作用，如果你當上醫療人員的話。
It's like, when they first see that, they can't even believe it. They're like, "What the f**k? You gotta help people? Well, whatever. Get it out the way! But don't let it get in the way of what this is really about. It's about the money and the prestige, right? It's the money and the prestige!"
他們一看到這個原因，可能會無法置信。他們會說：「啥毀？還要幫助別人？不管。沒有這款代誌!但也不要讓這個理由阻擋你當醫生的真正原因。重要的是金錢和名聲啊，災某？錢跟名聲!」
Because if you're a first-generation immigrant, your children becoming doctors is the quickest way you can turn it around in one generation. Instant credibility, instant respectability, instant money. Right? You flip the clan narrative around. Boom! Started from the bottom, now we're here. We doctors!
因為如果你是第一代移民，要在這一代就翻身最快的方法就是叫小孩去當醫生。立刻就有名有利有地位。對不對？直接家族大翻身。砰!從底層開始爬，現在就到這地位。我們是醫生，怎麼樣!
And it's also weird because Asian parents are also the last group of people you can ever convince to see a doctor. These f**king people will never see a doctor! They spend their whole lives obsessing over it. Nothing can make my mom see a doctor. There is nothing—
還有一個很奇怪的地方，因為亞洲父母就是一群你怎麼說服也不會去看醫生的人。這群人他*的死都不會去看醫生!他們一生都有這種執念。我媽也是這種怎麼講都不去看醫生的。不管多嚴重－－
My mom can have an arrow going right through her. And she's trying to pull it out like Rambo, right?
即使一根箭刺進我媽的肚子裡，她也不會去看醫生。她會把自己當成英雄電影的主角，把箭拔出來，對吧？
And you're like, "Yo, Mom. Go—let's go see a doctor."
然後你就會說：「媽。走－－我們去看醫生。」
And my mom will be like, "No. They just want to take people's money."
我媽就會說：「不行。他們只想賺別人的錢。」
Then you're like, "Then, why do you want your kids to be doctors so badly?"
那你就會問：「那妳為什麼那麼想要妳的小孩去當醫生？」
"Because I want my kids to take other people's money, obviously! The fact that you don't understand that is the reason why you never became a doctor."
「因為我想要我的小孩賺別人的錢啊，還用問嗎!你就是不懂啦，才會永遠當不了醫生。」
Because Chinese people love money. We love that s**t. Chinese people f**king love money. Okay? You think rappers love money? Yo, we love money...more than anyone! Chinese people love everything about it. We love making it, love spending it; we love giving it, we love receiving it, we love throwing it up in the air.
因為華人就是愛錢。我們愛那個鬼東西。華人他*的超愛錢。好嗎？你以為饒舌歌手愛錢嗎？Yo，我們才愛錢...比你們其他人都愛!只要有關錢，我們華人都超愛。我們喜歡賺錢、喜歡花錢；我們喜歡給錢、喜歡收錢、還喜歡灑錢。
Yo, Chinese people love money so much, we have a god of money! Of all the gods in Chinese Taoism, there's one god—he's the god of money! Cai shen ye! We pray to him for more money!
華人超愛錢，我們還有財神咧!華人道教所有神之中，有一尊神－－財神!財神爺!我們去拜祂，求祂給我們更多錢!
Every day, we go, "Hey, God of Money, give us more money." And he gives us more money!
我們每天都去拜拜，跟祂說：「欸欸財神爺，給我們多一點錢嘛。」然後祂就會給我們更多錢!
Very fickle god. Doesn't care about inflation, right? No understanding of basic principles of macroeconomics, just...just throwing out gold ingots if you ask for it at the right time. "Here's some money. Burn some incense. Here's some money, man."
這神很隨興的。祂也沒在管通貨膨脹，你知道嗎？祂也不懂總體經濟學的基本概念，就只是...如果你在正確的時間點求祂的話，祂就會丟金元寶給你。「來，給你錢。燒點香。兄弟，錢在這。」
Even during Chinese New Year, the biggest holiday for Chinese people, Chinese New Year, when we see each other during Chinese New Year, the way we greet each other is we say, "gong xi fa cai" or "gong hei fat choy" in Cantonese. I'm sure you've heard that, at least peripherally, right? "Gong xi fa cai, gong xi fa cai." "Gong xi fa cai" means "Hope you get rich"! That's not "Happy New Year."
即使是農曆新年的時候，對華人來說是最大的節日，就是農曆新年，新年遇到親朋好友，我們會這樣打招呼：「恭喜發財」或是粵語的「恭喜發財」。我保證你一定有聽誰講過，至少耳聞過，有吧？「恭喜發財、恭喜發財。」「恭喜發財」的意思是「祝你變有錢」!這不是「新年快樂」欸。
Do you understand? The go-to phrase during Chinese New Year isn't "Hey, hey, happy New Year." It's "Yo, hope you get rich!" Hope you get rich. Hope you get richer than all these other motherf**kers. Hope you get so f**king rich, man. Hope you get rich and also hope—you better hope I get rich. We gotta hope each other got both...get rich together.
你懂嗎？新年的時候大家掛在嘴邊的話不是：「嘿、嘿，新年快樂喔!」而是「Yo，祝你變有錢!」祝你發大財。祝你變得比那些他*的*人還有錢。兄弟，祝你變他*的有錢。祝你發大財，也祝－－你最好也祝我發大財。我們最好都祝對方...通通變好野人。
