We can go to brunch, go on a long walk, and go to the grocery store and get all those ingredients for that low-carb, low-fat chicken recipe I've been wanting to try. What's your perfect Father's Day?
我們可以去吃早午餐、散步一大段路、然後去雜貨店買那道我一直都想要試試看的低碳水化合物、低脂雞肉食譜所需的所有那些食材。你心目中最棒的父親節是怎樣？
8 a.m.—the kids do not come in and crash my bed
早上八點－－孩子們不闖進來、不壓垮我的床
They gently tiptoe downstairs and pour cereal instead
取而代之的是，他們輕輕踮著腳尖下樓，並倒玉米片來吃
10 a.m.—I wake up and my wife gives me a kiss
早上十點－－我起床，我老婆給了我一個吻
She says, "Your breath smells amazing, and look, I made you this."
她說：「你的口氣聞起來超棒，你看，我為你煮了這個。」
30 minutes later, I head on down the stairs
三十分鐘後，我走下樓梯
And I find my final resting place and put my fanny there
我找到我最終的安身立命之處，並把我的屁屁安頓於此
And I love you guys, but if you asked me what I want, I'd say,
我愛你們大家，但如果你問我想要些什麼，我會說：
"I won't leave the couch on Father's Day!"
「在父親節我不會離開這沙發一步的!」
After my 67th viewing of Die Hard
在我看過《終極警探》第六十七次後
There's a sushi truck that broke down and it's right outside my yard
有台拋錨的壽司車，而它就在我的庭院外面
They say, "Penn, we are in trouble. Our refrigerator is mucked."
他們說：「Penn，我們有麻煩了。我們的冰箱被搞得髒兮兮的。」
"Can you help us out by eating everything that's in our truck?"
「你可以吃掉所有在我們卡車上的壽司幫幫我們嗎？」
So as I start devouring, I turn on channel 3
當我開始大口吞食，我轉到第三台
Tiger Woods has made a miracle bounceback from surgery
老虎伍茲在手術後展現了神奇的康復狀態
And he's dominating Pinehurst and he's 15 under par
他在Pinehurst球場佔盡優勢，且低於標準桿十五桿
And he's texting me because he wants to hang out at the bar
他傳簡訊給我，因為他想要到酒吧去玩玩
But I tell him, "No, I'm staying here with everyone I love."
但我告訴他：「不，我要和我愛的所有人待在這。」
And I've got this cooler filled with beer I don't need to get up
而且我還有個讓我不用起身、裝滿啤酒的冷藏箱
And I love you guys, but if you asked me what I want, I'll say,
我愛你們大家，但如果你問我想要些什麼，我會說：
"I won't leave the couch on Father's Day!"
「在父親節我不會離開這沙發一步的!」
My wife comes in and cleans up all the food I didn't eat
我的老婆進來，清理我沒吃完的所有食物
And my daughter rubs my back while my four-year-old rubs my feet
我的女兒按摩我的背，而我四歲的兒子按摩我的腳
And the thermostat is now set at the perfect 63
恆溫器現在調到了完美的華氏63度(約攝氏17度)
And my wife and kids are fine with it
而我的老婆和孩子都對那沒意見
Oh, yeah, totally!
喔對啊，完全沒意見!
At 4 p.m., the NFL announces a surprise
下午四點，國家美式足球聯盟宣布了一項驚喜
They've decided to play 16 games in June just for us guys
他們決定只為了我們在六月打十六場比賽
Oh my gosh! That play's amazing. Oh, I wish you could see, too
喔我的天!那球真精采。喔，我真希望你們也可以看到
But if we showed you game video, the NFL would sue
但如果我們給你看比賽影片，國家美式足球聯盟會告我們
I have to pee, but my legs are asleep. I haven't moved all day
我必須要尿尿，但我的雙腿都麻了。我整天都沒動
So my family LeBrons me to the bathroom all the way
所以我的家人像NBA球星LeBrons一樣一路把我抬到廁所
And even after that my wife says, "Hey, you wanna play?"
甚至在上完廁所後，我老婆還說：「嘿，你想要玩玩嗎？」
It's time to leave the couch on Father's Day!
在父親節這天是時候離開沙發了!
Hey, hey, hey! Where are you gonna go?
嘿、嘿、嘿!你要去哪？
Sorry. Let's just go to brunch. It's like an hour away.
抱歉。就去吃早午餐吧。好像一小時路程而已。
