We think that communication is simply the fact of sending a message. A concept or an idea comes into your mind, and we use different ways to share it. But we forget something essential. In this video, I want to show you how to improve your communication skills and use them to build strong and successful relationships.
我們認為溝通就只是傳遞訊息。你心中浮現一個概念或是想法，而我們用不同的方式把它分享出去。但我們忘了一件很基本的事情。在這支影片當中，我想要告訴你們如何改善你們的溝通技巧，並用它們來建立穩固且成功的關係。
We spend our childhood learning things. We learn history, geography, chemistry, but when do we learn how to communicate? Society expects you to learn on the fly, on your own. We grew up and became "adults." But usually, nobody showed us how to communicate effectively. If you have problems with your intimate relationships, at work, or with clients, many times, it's because you lack communication skills. I had those same problems. That's why I want to give you the tools that help me to better understand how communication works. But mostly, they help me build better relationships. At the end of this video, apply what you learned, and notice that you will deliver your message more effectively.
我們的幼年時期都花在學習上。我們學歷史、地理和化學，但我們什麼時候學習如何溝通呢？社會期望我們馬上就要獨自學會溝通。我們成長，然後變成「大人」。但通常都沒有人教我們怎麼有效溝通。如果你在親密關係、職場或是跟客戶間出了問題，許多時候是因為你缺乏溝通技巧。我也有同樣的那些問題。那就是為什麼我想教你們那些方法，它們幫助我更了解溝通是怎麼運作的。但大部分來說，它們幫助我建立更棒的關係。在這支影片結束的時候，去應用你所學的東西，就會發現你將更有效地傳遞出你的訊息。
First, let's look at the pillars of communication and think, Where could you improve? Assertiveness, clarity, and listening. The first principle is assertiveness. This is the power that fuels your message to come out of your mind. At the end, you want to make an impact, so you need the confidence that your idea is worth it. A weak communication is not going to give you the results you expect. Imagine it as a rocket going into space. If the rocket doesn't have enough power, it won't be able to leave the atmosphere. It will fall and explode. If you want to communicate your ideas, you have to be assertive.
首先，我們先看一下溝通的重要條件，然後想一下：你可以從哪裡改進呢？自信、清楚，以及傾聽。第一個要點是自信。這是種能加強你的訊息、讓它可以從你心中被傳達出來的力量。最終，你的目的是要做出影響，所以你要有自信你的想法是有價值的。唯唯諾諾的溝通不會給你你所期待的結果。把它想像成一個要升上太空的火箭吧。如果火箭沒有足夠的能量，就沒有辦法離開大氣。它會墜落並爆炸。如果你想要傳達你的想法，你必須要有自信。
The second principle is clarity. This is the way you send your message. Think of it as a truck that transports the idea from your mind to the mind of someone else. That's why clarity is so important. If you are unclear, your message will be understood in a distorted way. You'll have to learn to articulate your message.
第二個要點是清楚。這是你傳達訊息的方式。把它想像成一台卡車，它把想法從你的心裡運送到另一個人的心裡。這就是為什麼表達清楚是很重要的。如果你表達得不清不楚，你的訊息會被曲解。你需要學習怎麼清楚表達你的訊息。
Finally, the third principle is listening skills. People want to feel that they are being listened to. You need to be open and aware that you're not the only one sending messages. The other person wants to communicate theirs, too. You have to keep an open mind and listen to what others have to say. People will be open to understand your message only if you're also interested in listening to them.
最後，第三個要點是傾聽的技巧。人們想要感受到他們是被傾聽的。你需要敞開心胸並明白你並不是唯一一個在傳達訊息的人。另一方也想傳達他們的訊息。你需要維持心胸開闊，並且聆聽其他人要說的話。人們只有在你也有興趣傾聽他們的時候，才會敞開心胸理解你的訊息。
Keep in mind these three principles, and work on them. You will improve the skills to communicate more effectively with people. But to build deeper and more meaningful relationships, you will have to consider another concept, much more counterintuitive than the first three. You'll need to understand the following: The success of my communication comes from your response, regardless of my intention. This presents the concept of empathy. A message can be delivered successfully if the person understood it correctly.
把這三個要點謹記在心，並且多加練習。你將會改善與人更有效溝通的技巧。但為了建立更深入且有意義的關係，你會需要理解另一個概念，這比前三個要點來得違背直覺。你會需要理解以下這件事：我溝通的成功與否取決於你的回應，不論我的動機是什麼。這就要講到同理心的概念了。當那個人正確地理解，訊息才算成功地被傳達。
Not too long ago, I almost had a huge fight with my girlfriend. She asked me how she looked; I replied, "Okay," without much enthusiasm. She was really offended and a little bit sad. To be clear, I think she's beautiful, but I was distracted. And while she expected me to say, "Oh my God, you look delightful," I just said, "Okay." She wasn't expecting that. I had two options. The first one was to defend my position, no matter what: fight with my girlfriend and try to defend my "okay," justifying that I was tired and distracted. This is what most people do. The second option requires more emotional maturity. It is to recognize that my message hurt her feelings and accept that my communication gets meaning from her response, regardless of my intention.
不久之前，我幾乎和我女友大吵一架。她問我她看起來怎麼樣；我回答：「還好」，沒有什麼熱情。她覺得她被冒犯到了，而且感到有點傷心。說實話，我覺得她非常漂亮，但我當時心不在焉。而當她期待我說出：「我的天啊，妳看起來好有魅力」，我卻只說了：「還好」。她沒有預料到我會這樣回答。我有兩個選擇。第一個是無論如何都為我的立場辯護：跟我的女友吵架，並且試著為我的「還好」辯護，解釋我當時很累而且心不在焉。這是大多數人會採取的方式。第二個選擇需要情緒上更高的成熟度。那就是承認我的訊息傷害到她的感受，並正視我溝通的意義取決於她的反應，不論我的動機為何。
Now, let me ask you something: Do you prefer to defend your position? How's that working for you? You need to send your message with more empathy. Don't just consider your own intentions. Think on how they will react. I'm not saying that you become weak. On the contrary, I want you to be aware that your words have power; therefore, you have to anticipate how the other person will receive them. I propose that you get rid of your narcissistic need to defend your intention and focus on how to communicate more effectively. Empathy is crucial to communicate better.
那讓我問你幾個問題吧：你會比較想為你的立場辯護嗎？那對你來說有什麼作用嗎？你必須用更多的同理心去傳遞你的訊息。不要只是考慮到你自己的動機。去想想他們會有什麼反應。我的意思不是你變得比較軟弱。反之，我想要你意識到你的話語是有力量的；因此你必須去預期另一個人會怎樣接收到你的訊息。我建議你擺脫掉以自我為中心的那一套想法，不要去為你的動機辯護，而要把重點放在如何更有效地溝通。要有較好的溝通，同理心是很重要的。
Start to practice this principle. If you're not used to it, you will feel uncomfortable early on, but keep practicing. Just remember the following: The success of your conversation comes from the listener's response, regardless of your intention. The key is to consider the feelings of the other person. And if they respond in a way that you didn't expect, don't be offended. Instead, look for a better way to communicate your intentions so that their response matches your intention. It's that simple.
開始實行這個要點吧。如果你對它不太習慣，剛開始的時候你會感到不太自在，但要持續練習喔。只要記得以下這件事：你溝通是否成功取決於聆聽的那一方的反應，不論你的動機為何。關鍵在於考量到對方的感受。而若是他們以你沒有預期到的方式回應的話，也不要覺得受冒犯了。反之，尋找一個較好的方式來傳遞你的訊息，好讓他們的反應能與你的動機相符合。就是如此簡單。
Develop these basic principles of communication, and you will build stronger and more meaningful relationships. Next time you try to communicate a message or an idea, remember: Be assertive, be clear, listen. But above all, have empathy. Don't fight to defend your position. Instead, keep improving your communication skills, and study how to reflect your intentions more effectively.
培養好這些溝通的基本要點吧，你會建立起更穩固且更有意義的關係。下次當你試著要傳遞一個訊息或是想法的時候，記住：要有自信、要清楚、要聆聽。但最重要的是，要有同理心。不要吵著要為你的立場辯解。反之，繼續改進你的溝通技巧，並且學習如何更有效地反映出你的動機吧。
- 「飛快地進行、未經準備就匆匆做...」- On The Fly
Society expects you to learn on the fly, on your own.
社會期望我們馬上就要獨自學會溝通。
