We think that communication is simply the fact of sending a message. A concept or an idea comes into your mind, and we use different ways to share it. But we forget something essential. In this video, I want to show you how to improve your communication skills and use them to build strong and successful relationships.
We spend our childhood learning things. We learn history, geography, chemistry, but when do we learn how to communicate? Society expects you to learn on the fly, on your own. We grew up and became "adults." But usually, nobody showed us how to communicate effectively. If you have problems with your intimate relationships, at work, or with clients, many times, it's because you lack communication skills. I had those same problems. That's why I want to give you the tools that help me to better understand how communication works. But mostly, they help me build better relationships. At the end of this video, apply what you learned, and notice that you will deliver your message more effectively.
First, let's look at the pillars of communication and think, Where could you improve? Assertiveness, clarity, and listening. The first principle is assertiveness. This is the power that fuels your message to come out of your mind. At the end, you want to make an impact, so you need the confidence that your idea is worth it. A weak communication is not going to give you the results you expect. Imagine it as a rocket going into space. If the rocket doesn't have enough power, it won't be able to leave the atmosphere. It will fall and explode. If you want to communicate your ideas, you have to be assertive.
The second principle is clarity. This is the way you send your message. Think of it as a truck that transports the idea from your mind to the mind of someone else. That's why clarity is so important. If you are unclear, your message will be understood in a distorted way. You'll have to learn to articulate your message.
Finally, the third principle is listening skills. People want to feel that they are being listened to. You need to be open and aware that you're not the only one sending messages. The other person wants to communicate theirs, too. You have to keep an open mind and listen to what others have to say. People will be open to understand your message only if you're also interested in listening to them.
Keep in mind these three principles, and work on them. You will improve the skills to communicate more effectively with people. But to build deeper and more meaningful relationships, you will have to consider another concept, much more counterintuitive than the first three. You'll need to understand the following: The success of my communication comes from your response, regardless of my intention. This presents the concept of empathy. A message can be delivered successfully if the person understood it correctly.
Not too long ago, I almost had a huge fight with my girlfriend. She asked me how she looked; I replied, "Okay," without much enthusiasm. She was really offended and a little bit sad. To be clear, I think she's beautiful, but I was distracted. And while she expected me to say, "Oh my God, you look delightful," I just said, "Okay." She wasn't expecting that. I had two options. The first one was to defend my position, no matter what: fight with my girlfriend and try to defend my "okay," justifying that I was tired and distracted. This is what most people do. The second option requires more emotional maturity. It is to recognize that my message hurt her feelings and accept that my communication gets meaning from her response, regardless of my intention.
Now, let me ask you something: Do you prefer to defend your position? How's that working for you? You need to send your message with more empathy. Don't just consider your own intentions. Think on how they will react. I'm not saying that you become weak. On the contrary, I want you to be aware that your words have power; therefore, you have to anticipate how the other person will receive them. I propose that you get rid of your narcissistic need to defend your intention and focus on how to communicate more effectively. Empathy is crucial to communicate better.
Start to practice this principle. If you're not used to it, you will feel uncomfortable early on, but keep practicing. Just remember the following: The success of your conversation comes from the listener's response, regardless of your intention. The key is to consider the feelings of the other person. And if they respond in a way that you didn't expect, don't be offended. Instead, look for a better way to communicate your intentions so that their response matches your intention. It's that simple.
Develop these basic principles of communication, and you will build stronger and more meaningful relationships. Next time you try to communicate a message or an idea, remember: Be assertive, be clear, listen. But above all, have empathy. Don't fight to defend your position. Instead, keep improving your communication skills, and study how to reflect your intentions more effectively.
- 「飛快地進行、未經準備就匆匆做...」- On The Fly
Society expects you to learn on the fly, on your own.