Hey, guys! I'll be your server. I'm only smiling because I want you to tip me as much as possible.
If Waiters Were Honest
Oh, what do I recommend? The restaurant next door. It's delicious.
Hi there. I'm super hungover. Can I get you some waters?
Ha-ha... I'm laughing at your dumb joke purely out of obligation.
Aw, you brought your baby to the restaurant? That's gonna make my life a nightmare.
Here's your food. I hope you don't notice I snagged a few fries off your plate.
I'm telling you I'm gonna go ask the chef, but I'm really gonna go in the kitchen, count to 10, come back, and say no.
Hi, guys. This plate is hot. I'm just trying to tough it out.
Yes, I caught you staring at my boobs. No, they are not on the menu.
Not only do I have change for a five, but I could also make it rain.
Your appetizer is taking a long time because I completely forgot about you.
If you ask for the check, I'll get it. If you do this air signature, I'll take my sweet time.
Are you finished with that? Because I would love to take the rest of it in the back and eat it off your plate.
I'm telling you the max I can split is three credit cards, but really, I'm just feeling lazy today.
Be nice to me, and I'll be nice to your food.