Fixed Fairy Tales
童話故事這樣才對嘛
The Princess and the Pea
公主與豌豆
The Princess and the Pea is an interesting story. The overly picky prince, determined to find a true princess, and the pea in the bed...uh, never mind. Anyway, odd tale indeed. Let's look at how this story should have ended. Shall we?
《公主與豌豆》是個有趣的故事。一個超級挑剔的王子決心想找到真正的公主，然後床上的豌豆...呃，隨便啦。總之，就是個奇怪的童話故事。一起來看看這個故事的結局本來該長什麼樣子。好嗎？
Oh, Mother, I fear I shall never find a true princess that is truly true. And now, it is beginning to rain. Woe is me.
噢老媽，我怕我永遠找不到貨真價實的公主。而且現在開始下雨了。我好命苦。
Don't despair, my darling dear. You deserve a princess as true as can be.
別絕望，我的小寶貝。你值得擁有一個正牌公主。
And while the picky prince was at his whiniest and the storm had reached its stormiest, there came a knock at the castle's front door. The prince opened the door to find the soggiest, muddiest, least princessiest-looking young woman he had ever seen.
就在龜毛王子大發牢騷，風雨也下得最猛烈的時候，城堡的前門傳來敲門聲。王子一開門卻只看到一個超級溼答答、髒兮兮，而且是他這輩子看過長得最不像公主的年輕女子。
Hello!
哈囉!
Yes?
幹嘛？
I got separated from my traveling companions during this terrible storm. May I please come in out of the rain?
我在這場可怕的暴風雨中和我的旅伴走散了。請問我可以進來避個雨嗎？
I'm sorry, but we're only allowing entrance to true princesses. Good day.
抱歉，我們只讓真正的公主進門。再見。
But the woman at the door would not give up. She knocked even louder this time.
但站在門口的女人並不死心。這次她敲門敲得更大聲了。
Yes?
怎樣？
I am a true princess. Please. Let me come in out of the rain.
我就是真正的公主。拜託讓我進去躲雨好不好。
The prince was confused. Could this soggy, muddy, now grumpy young woman truly be a true princess?
王子感到非常困惑。這個溼答答、髒兮兮又脾氣暴躁的年輕女人有可能真的是貨真價實的公主嗎？
Of course you can come in, Muddy. I mean, my dear.
妳當然可以進來，泥泥。我是說，親愛的。
Oh, thank you. I'm so tired, drenched, and hungry. I've barely slept at all on this trip. What I really need is shelter for the night.
噢，謝謝您。我又累又溼，而且好餓。這一路上我幾乎沒什麼睡。我真的很需要在晚上有個避風雨的地方。
But, Mother, she's—
可是老媽，她－－
Of course, of course. Why don't you get something to eat and warm up by the fire as we prepare a nice room for you to sleep in tonight.
當然，當然。妳何不吃點東西然後在火爐邊暖暖身子，我們會準備好一間舒適的房間讓妳今晚好好睡個覺。
Thank you so much.
真的非常謝謝您。
But, Mother, why would you—
可是老媽，妳為什麼要－－
Don't worry, darling. I have the perfect way to test if she's a true princess or not.
寶貝，別擔心。我有一個完美的方法能測試她是不是真正的公主。
So while the soggy princess dried out, the queen directed her servants to prepare a bed with 20 mattresses.
於是在溼答答公主擦乾身體的期間，皇后指示僕人準備一張疊了二十層床墊的床。
More?
要更多嗎？
More!
再多!
Then, she added 20 soft down comforters.
然後，她加了二十條軟軟的鵝絨被。
More?
要更多嗎？
More!
再多!
Then, the queen took a single, tiny green pea and placed it under the massive pile of comforters and mattresses.
接著，女王拿出一顆小小的綠豌豆，放在一大疊鵝絨被跟床墊底下。
More?
要更多嗎？
No!
不用!
A true princess is sensitive. So if she feels that tiny pea under all of that, then we will know she is a true princess.
真正的公主是很敏感的。如果她可以感覺到底下的小豌豆的話，那我們就會知道她是真正的公主了。
Why don't we just call the kingdom she says she's from and ask them if she's a princess?
我們為啥不要聯絡她說的那個王國，然後問他們她到底是不是公主就好了？
This is the only way!
這是唯一的辦法啦!
The next morning at breakfast, the prince and the queen anxiously awaited the arrival of the princess. Finally, she dragged herself down the stairs with what the prince thought were very promising bags under her red, swollen eyes.
隔天的早餐時間，王子與皇后眼巴巴地等待著公主的到來。終於，公主拖著腳步走下樓梯，而且在她紅腫的雙眼底下，有著王子看來超有希望的眼袋。
Good morning, my dear.
早安，親愛的。
How did you sleep last night?
妳昨晚睡得如何？
Sadly, I didn't sleep well at all. Thank you for the room, but there was some sort of rock or lump in those mattresses. No matter how I tossed or turned, I couldn't get comfortable. I never actually fell asleep.
可惜的是，我完全沒睡好。謝謝你們給我房間，但是好像有某種石頭還是塊狀物在床墊底下。不管我怎麼翻來覆去，我就是覺得不舒服。事實上，我完全睡不著。
Hooray!
萬歲!
Ha-ha!
哈哈!
You passed the test!
妳通過測驗了!
What?
什麼？
That was all a test. Only a true princess would be sensitive enough to know the pea was there. You passed, and now we know you are a true princess.
那是個測驗。只有真正的公主才會敏感到察覺底下的豌豆。妳通過了，現在我們知道妳是真正的公主了。
Whoa, whoa, whoa... I showed up at your doorstep drenched, filthy, and exhausted, and you decided to...test me?
停停停...我又溼又髒又累的出現在你家門前，然後你還想要試探我？
Yes, it was all a test, but you passed. So, hooray!
對啊，這是一個測驗，但妳通過了。所以說，萬歲!
And now you two can get married.
現在你們兩個可以結婚了。
Yes!
沒錯!
Hooray!
萬歲!
Married, ha-ha!
結婚，哈哈!
No! We're not getting married. What is wrong with you people? That's the meanest thing anyone has ever done to me. Why would I want to marry someone who treats women that way?
不要!我們才不會結婚。你們這些人是有什麼毛病？沒有人對我做過比這更過分的事了。我怎麼可能會嫁給一個這樣對待女性的人？
Um...because I'm a prince.
嗯...因為我是王子。
What was it you said to me last night? Oh, right, I remember.
你昨晚對我說了些什麼呢？喔對，我想起來了。
Good day!
再、見!
But wait! You're the only true princess in the land.
等等!妳是這片土地上唯一的真公主啊。
Yeah, but you're not the only prince. I'm off to find someone nicer.
對，但你不是唯一的王子。我要去找更好的人。
And she did find someone nicer—a kind prince who respected her and didn't try to put her through silly, stupid tests. They lived happily ever after and never ate peas.
而她也確實找到更好的人－－而且是一個既尊重她，也不會推坑她去做一些愚蠢試驗的好王子。他們從此過著幸福快樂的日子，而且再也不吃豌豆了。
So, the moral of the story—always be nice to people, and don't hide your vegetables under the bed. The end.
所以說，這個故事的道理就是－－對人要友善，而且不要把菜藏在床下。故事結束囉。
- 「決心做某事」- Determine To Do Something
The overly picky prince, determined to find a true princess, and the pea in the bed...uh, never mind.
一個超級挑剔的王子決心想找到真正的公主，然後床上的豌豆...呃，隨便啦。 - 「我好命苦、我好可憐」- Woe Is Me
Woe is me.
我好命苦。 - 「再見」- Good Day
Good day.
再見。
