What would have happened if your childhood wish came true?
If my childhood wish came true, I would've had the power of invisibility, and obviously, I would've used it to sneak into the girls' locker room, which sounds, you know, like the classic, awesome teenage boy fantasy.
But the more I thought about it, I kinda realized it would actually be really odd, because if I had the power of invisibility, that means invisibility exists, and there's probably a hundred other people who have that power. So I'd be in that locker room kind of wide-eyed and a big smile on my face, but I would have to come to terms with the fact there are probably a dozen other perverts who are also invisible and observing what's going on. I would kinda hear something like, "Hey, what's up, dude?" like, "Hey, welcome to the show, brother," seeing a camera float up next to me, a little video camera float up, like, if you could...if you agree with me...
And then, the locker room experience, even that's kinda cool and bodacious, the rest of my life, I'm gonna be wondering when I'm in the bathroom, or when I'm changing, or when I'm doing something embarrassing, is there a little pack of invisible perverts in the corner? I just would assume for the rest of my life that I was being followed by a pack of invisible perverts.
My childhood wish... I used to imagine that I would time travel back to the court of Queen Elizabeth I, like, just appear in the middle of the court, which is so dumb, I mean, I would've definitely been hanged as a witch. There is absolutely no way that anybody appearing in the middle of a room in Elizabethan England wouldn't have been instantly killed.
But, I mean it...looking back, I don't think I would have done well in the court of Elizabeth I. I don't know the Elizabethan dances, I don't speak Latin, I don't go to church. Rhyming couplets are not my strong suit. If I was lucky, I would've been thrown in the Tower of London. If I was unlucky, I probably would've ended up a scullery maid. What a dream that I've just destroyed for myself!
What if my childhood wish came true? It would be for Christmas to happen every single day. The seasons would still progress normally, but it would just be a steady stream of action figures and N64 games for yours truly. Now, my family would be cool with the, you know, first couple days of this, but then around Day 200, things would really start to break down.
如果我的兒時願望實現會怎樣？那會變成天天都是聖誕節。四季依舊交替，不過在下我會不斷收到公仔和任天堂 64 的遊戲。我們家在前幾天可以接受這樣，但接著到大約第兩百天，事情會開始崩潰。
My parents would have to sell the house just to afford all these gifts. My aunt would have to turn to a life of crime to afford knitting supplies so she could keep making me all those f*****g hats. The economy would totally break down because, keep in mind, nobody is working on Christmas, except for the department stores, which would be booming. They'd be having these Black Friday blowout sales every single day of the year. And society itself would kind of transform into this sick toy economy, where there'd be these tribal warlords of Tribe Hasbro and Tribe Lego going to war with each other. And the world would devolve into chaos, but there'd be one very happy little boy with a pile of gifts...this guy.
Share your childhood wish in the comments below!
- 「逐漸接受、設法忍受」- Come To Terms With
...but I would have to come to terms with the fact there are probably a dozen other perverts who are also invisible and observing what's going on.
- 「最終成為」- End Up
If I was unlucky, I probably would've ended up a scullery maid.
- 「記住」- Keep In Mind
The economy would totally break down because, keep in mind, nobody is working on Christmas, except for the department stores...