How Do I Ask Good Questions?
Hello, and welcome to the Ask Joy fireside chat. Here we are with our blazing flames and just a few close friends. (Actually, it's just me and the cameraman.) But this question was written in by someone in response to a three-part series that I had done on the "Art of Asking Questions." And this person just said, "Hey, can you give us some tangible questions to actually ask?" So, I will do that because that's such a great question.
哈囉，歡迎來到《請問 Joy 大大》 爐邊閒話。我們在這和我們明亮的光芒以及幾個親近的朋友一起。(事實上，只有我和攝影師。) 但這個問題是某位寫來，回覆我在《問問題的藝術》做過的三部曲系列。這個人就說：「嘿，你可以提供我們一些明確的問題去真的發問嗎？」所以我會提供，因為那真是個好問題。
Let's pretend you're at a party. This is how you do it.
"Hi, what's your name?"
"Are you in school?"
"Where did you grow up?"
"Tell me about your family."
"Come here often?"
And that's how it's done. Thanks for writing in.
No—this isn't rocket science. Those are basic stock questions that I know you know how to ask—I know how to ask—but the difficult thing for you and me is listening to the answer. So when you're at a party and you are...you know, see Bill and you're like "Hey, Bill." And you wanna ask him some questions; ask him, you know, "What do you do?" "What are your hobbies?" or whatever, and then pay attention to what he gets excited about. Listen to the verbal answer, but also the non-verbal answer.
不－－這不是火箭科學那麼困難的事。那些是我知道你知道該怎麼問的基本慣用問題－－我就知道怎麼問－－但對你我來說難的事是「傾聽回答」。所以當你在派對然後你...你知道，看到 Bill 然後你就像「嘿，Bill」那樣。你想問他一些問題；問他啊，你知道的，「你是做什麼的？」「你的嗜好是什麼？」還是什麼的，然後注意他對什麼感到興奮。傾聽語言回答，還有非語言回答。
What does he get...you know, and so if he's like, "I, you know, I really love climbing trees blindfolded." Wow—you know, sometimes we can go, "Well, I don't like climbing blind trees folded." What?
I don't like climbing trees blindfolded, so I guess Bill and I don't have anything kinda in common. Guess I'll get back to the punch bowl. No—you go, Wow, this is something really unique about Bill, and take the time to go, Okay, if he's excited about this, I wanna learn more. Be inquisitive.
我不喜歡矇眼爬樹，所以我猜 Bill 和我毫無半點共同處。我想我得回去找調酒大碗公了。不－－你要想：哇，這真是件關於 Bill 很獨特的事耶，然後花時間去想：好吧，如果他對這感到興奮，那我想要知道更多。要有好奇心。
I don't know if it's our social media and being able to say what we're doing and how we're feeling all the time, but I think we've kind of lost the ability to go, wonder what this person's thinking, wonder what they're, you know, passionate about, so pay attention to that. And then compare it to yourself and go, Wow, I don't have a passion for blindfolded tree climbing, you know, or I don't even have the ability to do what Bill does. And just pay them a compliment, honor them, just because it's a nice thing to do—you know, when someone is taking the time to say something nice to you. I think we have this fear of doing this.
我不知道是不是因為我們的社群媒體還有能夠無時無刻說我們在做什麼，以及無時無刻說我們感覺如何的關係，但我覺得我們已經有點喪失能力去好奇：不知道這個人在想什麼、不知道他們對什麼有熱忱，所以留意那資訊。然後將那和自己相比並思考：哇，我對矇眼爬樹沒有熱情，你知道，或是我根本沒辦法做 Bill 做的事。就給他們一個讚美、尊崇他們，只因為這是件很好的事－－你知道，在有人花時間對你說些好話時。我覺得我們有給人讚美的這種恐懼。
"What messages are we gonna send people?" No—get over that and just do it! And then even more, what I love is, like, if I'm talking with somebody, and then somebody else comes up, and the person that I've been talking to says to that person, "Hey, did you know that Joy's been doing this, this, and this?" I mean, that makes you feel so cool.
「我們會傳達給人什麼訊息？」不－－克服那恐懼然後做就對了!更甚至，我愛的事是，像如果我在和某人說話，然後其他人出現了，而在和我說話的人告訴那個人：「嘿，你知道 Joy 在做這個、這個還有這個嗎？」我是說，那讓你覺得很酷。
And so, I wanna make a practice of engaging anybody in that way, where I listen to them, I pay attention to what excites them, I honor them, and then I honor them publicly. If we can't do that in our regular friendships, then when we're in the day-in and day-out of marriage and you just get used to somebody, it's really gonna be difficult for us to stop, ask questions, listen to their answers, pay attention to their dreams and the things that they get excited about, and then honor them—privately and publicly. This is a practice we need to do now because I do believe it'll affect our marriage.
So, I know I've really stretched that out of, like, "How do I ask quetions at a party?" to, like, projecting onto your marriage. But as you can tell, this is something I get passionate about. So, I appreciate you asking the question and good luck at the next party with Bill, the tree climber.
On the next Ask Joy, Joy finally attains full creeper status.
在下一次《請問 Joy 大大》中，Joy 終於到達怪咖狀態。
Just go to a party, ask her what she does, see what she gets excited about—squirrels, treats, whatever...
- 「寫信(提供意見、索取贈品等)」- Write In
But this question was written in by someone in response to a three-part series that I had done on the "Art of Asking Questions."
- 「注意」- Pay Attention
...and then pay attention to what he gets excited about.
- 「共同」- In Common
I don't like climbing trees blindfolded, so I guess Bill and I don't have anything kinda in common.
我不喜歡矇眼爬樹，所以我猜 Bill 和我毫無半點共同處。
- 「回到...、繼續...」- Get Back To
Guess I'll get back to the punch bowl.
- 「克服」- Get Over
No—get over that and just do it!
- 「形成做某事的習慣」- Make A Practice Of
And so, I wanna make a practice of engaging anybody in that way...