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「老爸老媽講解『避孕』這件事」- Parents Explain Birth Control


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How's the guy get this around his penis?
男生要怎麼把這放到小弟弟上啊?

He just stretches it around. They're big and tall and... They got, like, big ones.
他只要拉開套上去就行了。小弟弟長大長高... 變成大老二。

Oh, Dad! Please, no, no...
噢老爸!拜託不要這樣...

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
喔,沒錯。喔,就是這樣。

Parents Explain Birth Control
老爸老媽說明避孕這件事

I'm Donna. These are my kids, Alisha who's 13, and Andrew who is 10.
我是唐娜。這是我的孩子們,十三歲的艾莉莎還有十歲的安德魯。

And annoying.
很煩的安德魯。

Today, we're gonna talk about birth control.
今天,我們要來聊聊避孕。

Eww!
好噁!

What do you know about birth control?
妳對避孕有什麼了解?

You take pills to make sure that you don't have a kid.
妳吃藥來確保自己不會有小孩。

Why do you think someone would prevent getting pregnant?
你覺得為什麼有人要預防懷孕?

Because they probably don't want a child. They're not ready for it.
因為他們可能不想要小孩。他們還沒作好準備。

Okay. What? No bananas?
好。什麼?沒有香蕉嗎?

Bananas!
香蕉!

Awesome! I knew you'd like that.
好極了!我就知道你們會喜歡。

What do bananas have anything to do with it?
這關香蕉什麼事?

We'll get there.
等下就知道。

This is an option, a good option...to prevent what?
這是一種選擇,一種很好的選擇...來預防什麼?

Pregnancy.
懷孕。

Okay.
嗯。

These are prescription.
這些是處方藥。

You have to get it from your doctor.
你必須從醫生那拿。

Right, you have to get it from the doctor.
沒錯,你得從醫生那拿這種藥。

It's not 100 percent effective. Mommy got pregnant with you, and I was on birth control.
這不是百分之百有效。媽咪懷了妳,那時候我有在避孕。

What do you think this is?
你覺得這是什麼?

Liquid?
液體?

It's a condom.
這是保險套。

Chocolate syrup. This is candy.
巧克力糖漿。這是糖果。

Well, sometimes there's flavored condoms. So...
這個嘛,有時候會有有口味的保險套。那麼...

Why?
為什麼?

Um, that's another...
呃,有另一種...

Oh....
喔...

Wait, what? A female condom? Where does this go?
等等,什麼?女用保險套?這要放到哪?

What's that?
那是什麼?

A female condom.
女用保險套。

Condom. Oh, it's a female condom. I've never even seen one.
保險套。噢,是女用保險套。我之前連看都沒看過。

Eww! It's oily! Eww...
噁!油油的!好噁...

Why does it look wet?
為什麼它看起來濕濕的?

Um, it's a lubricant, and also, I believe there's spermicide.
嗯,是潤滑液,另外,我相信裡面還有殺精劑。

Okay, why is this thing so big?
嗯,為什麼這玩意這麼大?

Because she has to put it inside her...to capture the sperm.
因為她得把這放到她的...來抓住精子。

Oh, that's nasty.
噢,太噁心了。

So you put this thing in the...
所以妳把這東西放進...

Vagina.
陰道。

Virginion.
陰倒。

The banana is kinda the shape of a man's penis. Okay?
香蕉的形狀有點像男生的小弟弟。沒問題嗎?

Do you wanna open one up?
妳想打開一個嗎?

Mega big boy! Mega big boy is here.
超級大隻佬!超級大隻佬在這。

Okay, so...
好,那麼...

Oh, good Lord. You got the right idea, dear.
我的天。你抓到竅門了,親愛的。

And make sure there's some air.
確認裡面有點空氣。

Some air?
有點空氣?

Mm-hmm. Gotta leave some space between the top.
嗯哼。在頭頭的位置要留點空間。

Okay, now, remove—there you go. There needs to be room for the sperm to...shoot out. Is it backwards?
好,現在,拿走--沒錯。要留點空間讓精子...射出來。反了嗎?

I don't know.
我不知道。

So what you do is you put it on, and you roll it. Uh, do you have experience doing this, dude?
妳要做的是把它套上去,然後把它捲下來。呃,老兄,你是有過經驗嗎?

No.
才沒有。

When did you learn how to do this?
你什麼時候學會戴這個的?

That ruins a perfectly good banana.
一根好好的香蕉就那樣被毀了。

Well, I know. And then you just...and then you roll it down.
我知道。然後妳就...然後妳把它捲下來。

Just remember, this is just as much the male's job as the girl's job to prevent pregnancy.
記住,避孕這件事不只是女生的工作也是男生的工作。

Let's say, condom breaks; now what?
打個比方,保險套破了;現在怎麼辦?

You're SOL.
你就他媽倒大楣了。

No, you're not. And don't use that term again. It's the day-after pill.
不,你沒有。還有不准再用那個詞。是吃事後避孕藥。

There's a lot of forms of birth control.
避孕的型態有很多種。

There's another one like a diaphragm.
有別的方法,像是子宮帽。

You can get IUD and get inserted in your arm.
妳可以裝子宮內避孕器,還有在手臂上埋針。

Which is something that surgically, I think, placed inside her...
我想那是種要經過手術放到女生身體裡的東西...

Mm-hmm.
嗯哼。

...that is always releasing some sort of spermicide or something that kills off the sperm.
...那東西會一直釋放某種殺精劑還是什麼會殺死精蟲的東西。

But what's this one? What is this?
不過這一個是什麼?這是什麼?

Birth control women trust. The spermicide doctors recommend the most.
女性信任的避孕。最受醫師推薦的殺精劑。

And then it looks like you use your finger and you insert it into your vagina.
看起來像是妳用手指把它放進妹妹裡。

It kills the sperm. Now, will that prevent disease? Correct.
這會殺死精子。現在,那能預防疾病嗎?沒錯。

Wait, you don't put this in your mouth, right? No, I saw a lady put that...put something—
等一下,妳不會把這放到嘴巴裡,對吧?不是,我看到一個小姐放...放了個東西--

Baby, that's a breath mint. She put a breath mint in her mouth.
寶貝,那是口氣清新薄荷錠。她放了一顆口氣清新薄荷錠到嘴巴裡。

Oh.
喔。

There's another method called the pull out.
有另一種叫體外射精的方法。

It don't work half the time.
那很多時候會失敗。

How do you know?
你怎麼知道?

Because I just—just a guess.
因為我--只是猜的啦。

A man can get a vasectomy.
男生可以結紮。

Does that mean we get our balls chopped off?
那是指我們把蛋蛋切掉嗎?

No.
不是。

No, we don't.
不是,我們不用切掉。

Do you know what outercourse is?
妳知道什麼是體外性行為嗎?

No.
不知道。

Different ways that you can express your love, and you can be sexual without having to use condoms and birth control that won't be risky to pregnancy.
那是妳可以表達愛意的不同方式,妳可以不戴保險套和避孕就享受性,體外性行為不會有懷孕的風險。

Outercourse is where you're kinda having sex, but you're not inside. The boy's penis is not inside.
體外性行為就是你算是在進行性行為,不過你沒有在裡面。男生的小弟弟沒有在裡面。

Oh! So, like, you're still doing this; only he keeps his thingy out of here.
喔!那麼,就像你還是在做這件事;只是男生把他的那話兒留在外面。

Do you know what dry humping is?
你知道什麼是隔衣擦火嗎?

Yeah.
知道。

You ever dry hump a girl?
你有對女生隔著衣服摸來摸去過嗎?

No.
沒有啦。

So the penis can rub on the outside. Some guys rub their penis between the woman's breasts—especially if they push the breasts together.
小弟弟可以在外面磨蹭。有些男的會在女人的胸部中間摩擦弟弟--特別是他們把胸部擠在一起的時候。

I believe it's also called oral sex. Am I correct?
我想這也叫口腔性行為。我沒說錯吧?

I don't know.
我不知道。

Blow job?
口交?

Oh. Yeah.
喔。對啦。

What is that?
那是什麼?

Putting his mouth or his tongue...
把他的嘴巴或舌頭放到...

No.
不。

...in her, um...
...放進她的,怎麼說...

I get it. I know.
我懂了。了解。

My childhood is ruined.
我的童年崩壞了。

Your childhood is not ruined.
妳的童年才沒有崩壞。

There is another way of making sure that we prevent pregnancy. And it's actually maybe the best way, okay?
還有另一種確保我們能預防懷孕的方法。而那其實可能是最好的方法,知道嗎?

Mm-hmm.
嗯哼。

And that is not to practice at all.
就是完全不要去做。

Only way to prevent pregnancy completely...
唯一能完全預防懷孕的方法...

Is not having sex.
就是不要有性行為。

...which is abstinence. You abstain.
...也就是禁慾。你克制住。

Okay, let's do abstinence all the time, then.
好喔,那我們就一直禁慾吧。

I would appreciate that until you're married.
直到妳結婚前,我會很感激妳那樣做的。

Well, I'll never get married, then. So...
嗯,那我永遠不結婚。那樣的話...

Abstinence! Really? Okay.
禁慾!真的嗎?好吧。

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