Guys have their quirks; girls have some quirks, too, but let's talk about it. Dating is like watching a TV show. Halfway through the season, I'm like, "Do I even like this?"
男生有怪癖；女生也有怪癖，但我們今天就來聊聊這件事。交往就像看電視劇一樣。才看了半季，就會想說：「我真的喜歡嗎？」
Right before you guys make it official, girls love to leave stuff behind so they have an excuse to see you again.
你們還沒正式定下來之前，女生會很愛落下她們的東西，這樣她們就有理由再見到你一次。
"Hey, um, I left my earrings in your car."
「嘿，嗯，我的耳環掉在你車子裡了。」
"Yeah, I'm in my car right now; I don't see them."
「好，我現在在車子裡；但我沒看到耳環耶。」
"Um, check in the fridge, in the second drawer to the right. Check in there and see if they're there."
「呃，你找找看冰箱，右邊第二格抽屜。找找看有沒有在裡面。」
"How did they get in here?"
「耳環怎麼會跑到冰箱裡？」
"So, um, can I come over later and get them?"
「那，嗯，我等等可以過去找你拿嗎？」
When you have a girlfriend, first thing you have to understand is a lot of them love blankets. And I mean a lot of blankets. They get cold very easily. Not all, but most. And girls, you love to do this thing when you're out with a dude, usually in the courtship before you start dating. And it's freaking freezing. And you're there like... She's on the verge of catching pah-neumonia.
如果你有女朋友，第一件你要知道的事情就是女生都很愛毛毯。我的意思是一大堆毛毯。她們超怕冷。不是所有人都這樣，但大部分。女生們，妳們跟男生出去的時候都很愛做這件事情，通常是你們開始正式交往之前的戀愛期。天氣很冷。然後妳們會像這樣...她感覺都快得到肺炎了。
Your teeth are chattering; you got snot bubbles, and the guy's like, "Yo, you cold?"
妳的牙齒一直打顫；鼻涕都冒出泡泡了，男生就會問妳：「欸，妳會冷喔？」
"No, no, no. I'm fine."
「沒有、沒有、沒有。我不冷。」
And the guy goes to give you his jacket.
男生就把他的外套給妳。
"No, no. No, no, no. I'm good."
「不用、不用。不用、不用、不用。我真的不冷。」
"You look like you're about to catch death."
「妳看起來冷到快要重感冒了。」
Girls love to pop pimples. If you start getting a pimple...
女生很愛擠痘痘。如果你長了一顆痘痘...
"Dibs, dibs, dibs! I'm popping it."
「我的、我的、我的!我要擠。」
Some of my exes would even be on YouTube watching pimple-popping videos.
我有些前女友甚至會看 YouTube 上擠痘痘的影片。
You also have your checkpoint girlfriends. "Text me when you get home; text me when you get to work; text me when...I don't know, what else men do." It's like checkpoints in a video game.
你還會有檢查哨女友。「到家的時候傳訊息給我；到公司傳訊息給我；到...我不知道，反正不管你做什麼你們男生會做的事情時，都記得要傳訊息給我。」真的很像電動裡面的關卡。
Why come you girls take up 95 percent of the bed? Fellas, you wake up in the middle of the night with no blanket, freezing cold on the edge of the bed. And your girl is taking up the other 99 percent of it for no reason.
為什麼妳們女生都會把床占走百分之九十五的空間啊？男生們，你們會在半夜醒來，發現身上沒蓋被子、被擠到床的邊邊、還冷到爆。妳們女生不知道為什麼就占滿百分之九十九的床。
"Ah. Oh my God, you are so warm."
「啊。天哪，你好暖和。」
It's not on purpose. It's just how they roll. I think it goes back to that girls are always cold thing. They're trying to push up against your warmth, so that's why they constantly pushing you against the edge of the bed, which also explains why they shower in 200 lava degrees Celsius water. If you ever hop in the shower as your girlfriend's getting out...
這不是故意的。她們就是愛那樣。我覺得這就回到我們剛剛提到的，女生無時無刻都覺得冷。她們會一直蹭你身上的溫度，所以這就是為什麼她們會一直把你擠到床邊了，這也解釋了為什麼她們會用跟岩漿一樣燙 200 度的水洗澡。如果你有過跟在妳女友後面洗澡的經驗...
"Ah! I'm melting! I'm melting! Dead."
「啊!我要融化了!我要融化了!掛了。」
French fries. You'll ask your girl if she's hungry, and she'll be like, "No, I'm good." You walk in to get some french fries and walk out. And all of a sudden, different situation. Girls love french fries, okay? Fellas, one thing you have to understand: Food always tastes better when it's coming off of your plate.
薯條。你會問你女朋友她餓不餓，她會說：「不會啊，我不餓。」你走進去買薯條再走出來。突然間，她們就變得超餓。女生超愛吃薯條，好嗎？男生們，你要知道：你盤子上的東西永遠看起來比較好吃。
And girls never know where they wanna eat, but they always know where they wanna eat.
女生永遠都答不出來她們想吃什麼，但她們都知道自己想吃什麼。
"Pick a place."
「選個地方。」
"I don't care. Anywhere is fine. Wherever."
「沒差。我都可以。哪裡都行。」
Fellas, just know that you have to start naming off stuff until you hit the sweet spot, okay?
男生們，聽到這句回答你就要知道，你要開始講出一間一間餐廳的名字，直到選到一個她們滿意的，懂嗎？
Another thing, girls love to shop even if they don't buy anything. Thank God. Online shopping doesn't require us fellas to be there present. But it's just something to keep in mind because girls love to shop. I don't think Fashion Nova is ever gonna go out of business.
另一件事情，女生很愛逛街，即使什麼都不買。感謝上帝。線上購物不需要我們男生陪在旁邊。但就是要記得這件事情，女生很愛逛街。我覺得 Fashion Nova 應該永遠不會倒。
Also, detective girlfriends. You'll know if you have one. Those are the girls that get in the car like, "Um...whose hair is this? Who does this belong to? This isn't mine. This is not my shade of ombre!" All up in your trunk with a black light. In most cases, it's the girl putting insecurities from their past relationships onto you, but in some cases, fellas, you've done something, you've messed up, maybe you cheated, or you—I don't know—micro-cheated. And then you made your girl a detective girlfriend—oh, and you got problems, cousin.
還有，偵探女友。你有偵探女友的話就會知道了。她們會坐進車子裡，然後說：「嗯...這是誰的頭髮？這是誰的？這不是我的啊。這不是我漸層髮色的色調!」還會用螢光燈仔細檢查你的後車廂。大部分的狀況都是女生把過去感情的不安全感移轉到你身上，但是有些情況則是，男生們，你們做了不該做的事情，你搞砸了，可能你劈腿，或你－－我不知道－－微劈腿。你自己把女朋友變成偵探女友的－－喔，你就麻煩大了，兄弟。
There are those girls who let their boyfriends get away with murder. Guys do this, too, but sometimes you girls will get a guy who you think is so attractive, and you love him so much; you let them get away with everything. If you're over six feet tall, you got the hair, you got the jawline that cuts glass—those guys I've seen, when they get into relationships, they get away with murder. I've said this before, but anything you allow increases. That's in any relationship—boyfriend-girlfriend, mother-father. Whatever relationship, if you allow something to happen, it's most likely gonna increase.
有些女生會縱容男友犯任何錯。有些男生也會這樣啦，不過有時候你們女生跟一個妳覺得超帥、妳也超愛的男生在一起；妳就很容易縱容他們做任何事情。如果你身高超過一百八、有完美的髮型，還有尖到可以刺人的下顎線－－據我所知這種男生只要跟別人交往，犯什麼錯都會被原諒。我以前有說過，但你只要一允許某些事情，就會有更誇張的狀況發生。各類情感關係都會有這種情況－－男女朋友、父母。不管是哪種關係，如果你讓某些事情發生，很容易無限上綱。
Fellas, it's a good idea: If you can prevent lying to your girlfriend, don't do it! Because they catch you in that lie, and they stay with you, and next thing you know—everything turns into a fight.
男生們，這是個好主意：盡量避免對你女友說謊，絕對不要說謊!因為她們如果抓到你在說謊但還是繼續跟你在一起，接下來就是－－每件事情都可以拿出來吵。
"I don't want you to hang out with Sabrina anymore!"
「我不想要你再跟 Sabrina 出去了!」
"Why are you always liking half-naked girls on the gram? The only naked girls you're allowed to like are me! Me!"
「為什麼你要一直在 IG 上按一些衣服穿很少的女生讚？唯一一個你可以喜歡的裸女只有我!我!」
In a future video, I'm most likely to talk about boyfriends because we have our set of quirks, too. Don't get it twisted.
之後我應該會再做一支談論男朋友的影片，因為我們也有自己的怪癖。別誤會我的意思喔。
