People come up to me all the time and ask me the same question over and over again: Will you marry me? And another question they ask is "Why don't you have kids?" And, I love kids. I really do. I love babies; I love kids. They're cute. They're funny; they're sweet. But sometimes I'll see a picture; it reminds me of why I don't have kids, and it gave me an idea for a new segment that I'm calling "Why I Don't Have Kids."
All right, this first one is from an Instagram account called Kids Are the Worst.
好，第一張是「小孩超討厭」這個 Instagram 帳號 po 的照片。
I love my dad.
That's a screwdriver in her hand, and she just carved "I love my dad" right into his car. It's a sweet sentiment. It really is. You should see what she did—did you see what she did for Mother's Day?
I love my mom.
This next one was sent in by Kenny Roberts from La Crescenta, California.
下一張是住在加州拉克雷森塔的 Kenny Roberts 寄來的。
But she's cute. She's part—I think she's half-Italian, half-terrier. By the way, both of those kids are up for immediate adoption.
This is from an Instagram account called Moms Who Need Wine. Well, first of all, don't all moms need wine? I don't know. This is what they posted.
接下來的照片是 Instagram 帳號「需要喝酒的媽媽」發的。不過，首先，不是每個媽媽都很需要喝酒嗎？我不知道。這張就是他們 po 的照片。
Now, it truly sucks to be a little brother. Nothing's gonna come out of there no matter how much they do that.
This last one was sent in from Nikos Carly from Studio City, California.
最後一張是加州影視城的 Nikos Carly 寄來的。
You know? Who leaves kids with a bucket of paint? "Mommy's gonna run out to the store now, so, here's some paint." Aw, this is why I love that you have kids and I don't.
If you have any pictures you think that I should see, please send them to me.