Greetings, children. Captain Disillusion here.
致上我的問候，孩子們。這裡是幻滅隊長。
Viral marketing is a disgusting, sounding, but fascinating thing. It's complicated yet laughably predictable. Whether you're advertising a product or promoting your own web series of crazy stunts with a quirky name, like, I don't know, Tumba Ping Pong Show, getting views is hard.
病毒式行銷是一種討厭、誇張、但又迷人的東西。它很複雜，卻又可笑地能夠預測。不管你是在宣傳一項產品，或是推廣你自己那有著奇怪名字的瘋狂特技網路影集，像是，我不知道：《超級乒乓秀》，要得到點閱是很困難的。
You slave away producing clever stunt videos for months, collecting modest hits by modern standards. And then it hits you: put a somber blond bird on it. The numbers speak for themselves.
你辛辛苦苦製作巧妙的特技影片好幾個月，收集以現代標準來說的一般般點閱量。然後你突然想到：放個抑鬱的金髮女郎在上頭。點閱數字不言而喻。
Not to take anything away from the substance of the video, which features astonishing precision knife throwing and catching using ping pong paddles, it's an impressive looking stunt that has viewers all over the webs scratching their heads and bandaging their fingers.
不是要貶低這部影片的本質，該影片主打驚人的利用乒乓球拍精準拋接刀子，那是一個看起來令人印象深刻的特技，在網路上到處都有觀眾正搔著他們的頭，並包紮他們的指頭。
It looks dangerous but it's 100 percent faked. I will show you exactly how they did it right now.
它看起來很危險，但它百分之百是假的。我現在會示範給你看他們確切是怎麼做到的。
But first, let's take a moment to talk about our sponsor. This week's Captain Disillusion is brought to you by Knives: they cut and they don't ask no f**king questions.
但首先，先花一點時間談談我們的贊助人。這個禮拜的《幻滅隊長》是由刀子先生們所帶來的：它們能切東西，而且它們不會問他＊的問題(註一)。
And now, back to the show.
現在，回到節目。
Like my uncle used to say, "Life would a lot easier if you could make things invisible." And with visual effects, you can by cloning pixels of the surrounding area to paint away an object. But doing it frame by frame in a long video is time-consuming, so you have to be clever and keep those digital invisibility moments to a minimum.
就像我叔叔過去常說的：「如果你可以讓事物隱形，生活就會簡單多了。」有了視覺特效，你可以做到透過複製周遭區域的像素來把物體塗掉。但在長片裡一個畫面一個畫面這樣做是很耗時的，所以你需要聰明點，並將那些數位隱形的時間最小化。
Miss Pink flips her paddles at the moment they're struck by the knives not for extra flair, but because the knives are in the paddles the whole time. And it's simpler to erase the smaller knife tips from the plain gray surfaces.
粉紅小姐在球拍被刀子擊中時翻開，不是因為有特別的天賦，而是因為那些刀子一直以來都在球拍上。從純灰色表面塗掉較小的刀尖要簡單多了。
This is the reason for the offbeat choreography. She begins with the paddles hidden and incidentally with a ping pong ball inside her mouth for later, then turns quickly exposing the side view of the paddles for only a few frames, making for lesser erasing work. Unfortunately, one of the knives grazed her skirt, and that's not so easy to get rid of.
這是那不尋常的動作編排的原因。她開始時將球拍藏起來，並不經意地在口中留顆乒乓球稍後使用，接著快速地轉身，讓球拍的側面畫面只在幾個畫面中露出，以促成更少的塗拭工作。不幸的是，其中一把刀子擦過她的裙子，而那不是很容易除去。
Once she's in position, Mr. Slightly Mad Max displays some real knives. He then proceeds to serve them to his paddle, but in reality he simply pulls them away and lets them quietly drop off screen onto a soft surface such as a...
一旦她就位，微怒Max先生展示了一些真的刀子。他接著繼續將它們送到他的球拍前，但事實上他只是把它們丟開，並讓它們靜靜地拋落出螢幕掉到柔軟的表面上，像是...
Captain D's Bang Be Gone sound damping blanket, available with free shipping to the Alpha Quadrant for a limited time.
D隊長的「砰砰不見了」消音毯，現正發售，限時免運費送到銀河系第一象限。
Watches these knives defy the laws of physics, gliding into proper position to be struck. What you're really seeing is a transition to fake compositive images of thrown knives, whose carefully keyframed, motion-blurred outlines are only on screen for a handful of frames to guide your eyes to the other real knives waiting in Ms. Pink's paddles.
看看這些刀子違反了物理定律，滑行到可以被擊中的適當位置。你真正看到的是丟出的刀子的假合成影像前的過渡影像，它們仔細繪出、動作模糊的輪廓只會在螢幕上出現幾個畫面，引導你們的眼睛到在粉紅小姐球拍上等候的真實刀子。
Same deal with the ping pong ball at the very end—real ball stilled, fake ball passed, real ball mouth-revealed.
同樣的手法用在最後的乒乓球上－－真球停住、假球通過、真球在嘴巴露出。
During the big pineapple finish, you don't even see the digitally compositive knife land. You only hear the sound which they capture separately, likely right on location for added authenticity.
在最後的鳳梨大結尾，你甚至看不到那數位合成的刀子落地。你只聽到他們分開收錄的聲音，很有可能就在現場來達到進一步的可信度。
But that's not the part we care about. How did the CG knife slice the very obviously real pineapple? Granted we only have a highly compressed Internet video to work with, but even here with a lot of processing and very little social life, we can spot the oldest trick in the book: a string.
但那不是我們關心的部分。電腦繪出的刀子要怎麼切開非常明顯是真實的鳳梨呢？就算我們只有一個高度壓縮的網路影片能供作業，但即使在這裡加上許多後製以及非常少的社交生活，我們仍可以看到書上最古老的伎倆：一條線。
Confucius was right: a pre-cut half of a pineapple yanked off by fishing line at just the right moment can impress 2.5 million Internet users. Strings—they never get old.
孔夫子是對的：一個預先切好的半塊鳳梨就在對的時間被釣魚線使勁拉開，就可以讓兩百五十萬名網路使用者印象深刻。繩子－－它們永不過時。
Well, I hope you learn something. In the world of viral marketing, performing an unbelievable stunt on video will get you far. Faking one and doing it well will get you further still. Faking it mediocrely but with the right distraction will get you to the top.
嗯，我希望你們學到一些事。在病毒式行銷的世界，在影片中表演令人難以置信的特技會讓你有出息。假造一個並做得好還會讓你更有出息。普普通通假造，但加上適當的分散注意力動作，則會讓你出人頭地。
But now I'm afraid it's time for me to go, kids. A grade schooler in Illinois can't find her favorite red shoe. Remember—love with your heart, use your head for everything else!
但現在我怕是我要走的時候了，孩子們。一個伊利諾州的小學生找不到她最喜歡的紅鞋。記住：用心去愛，用腦去做每一件其他事。
Captain Disillusion!
幻滅隊長!
註一：they don't ask no questions是所謂雙重否定的用法，在正式文法上原本應該反過來當作「肯定」的意思，但在此處我們看到他要表達的很明顯還是「否定」的用法。那為什麼這樣用呢？原本這樣的用法是出自美國教育程度較低的族群的誤用，後來因為誤用頻率太過頻繁，大家漸漸習慣理解之後也就約定成俗，有時候在口語表達的時候，有些人少數時候為了「加強語氣」會這樣使用。
但這裡還是要注意，在正式寫作的時候盡量避免這樣的錯誤，除非你寫的小說、文章有需要特別強調這樣子誤用的文化背景因素在內。
- 「辛苦地做、埋頭苦幹」- Slave Away
You slave away producing clever stunt videos for months, collecting modest hits by modern standards.
你辛辛苦苦製作巧妙的特技影片好幾個月，收集以現代標準來說的一般般點閱量。 - 「貶低、使不重要」- Take Away From
Not to take anything away from the substance of the video, which features astonishing precision knife throwing and catching using ping pong paddles...
不是要貶低這部影片的本質，該影片主打驚人的利用乒乓球拍精準拋接刀子...
