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「【超療癒貓食廣告】親愛的小貓,家裡那隻髒兮兮的人類...」- Dear Kitten: Bathing Your Human


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Dear Kitten,
親愛的小貓:

This is a bit of an awkward subject, but...you realize that the humans don't bathe. I mean, they do have tongues. I've seen them. They're giant; they could clean your whole back in one licking. But they don't. And this is gonna sound weird because I'm so much older than you, but...I have never been licked by a human.
這個話題有點尷尬,不過...你知道人類是不洗澡的吧。我是說,他們有舌頭沒錯。我看過。他們的巨無霸舌頭,舔一下就能讓整個背清潔溜溜。不過人類就是死不洗澡。然後接下來這話聽起來會有點怪,因為我多活你很久,不過...我從沒被人類舔舔過。

I mean, I don't need it. I know what I'm doing, but I worry about them! In any case, part of what we have to do is give them a bath once in a while. I usually wait till they're lying down, mainly because when they're standing up, their heads are very far away. I mean, I could jump that high, but like with many things that I could do, I choose not to. And they love it—especially in the middle of the night, they...
不是說我需要。我知道自己在幹嘛,可是朕擔心那些人類啊!總之,我們的天職之一就是偶爾幫他們洗洗澡。我通常會等他們躺下,主要是因為他們站著的時候頭實在是離太遠了。我的意思是,我有辦法跳那麼高,不過就像我可以做到的很多事一樣,老子不爽做。人類超愛這樣的--特別是大半夜的時候,他們...

Oh...oh, you're going right for the feet. That's... No, please... After you. And the armpits?! Oh...oh, God! Well, uh, you got there first, so, you know, that's...that's your turf now. I'll stick to, you know, the boring old hands and head. Mmm...darn. I think this is gonna work out just fine.
噢...噢,你直接瞄準臭腳丫。那真是... 拜託不要... 你先請吧。還去舔胳肢窩?!我的老天鵝啊!嗯,先搶先贏,所以,你知道,那裡...那裡現在就是你的地盤了。我繼續乖乖舔無趣的手手和頭。嗯...要命。我想一切會很順利的。

Oh! Okay, no. There's a line. I'm drawing it—not between the toes. That is...that's disgusting.
噢!好,不行這樣。還是有底線的。我現在就告訴你什麼不行--腳指縫不行。那樣...那樣很不蘇胡。

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