Hi there! You know, if you're like most people—you struggle in a constant fight against messes; you've tried the KonMari Method, but even that didn't magically change your life—don't give up! You too can have a space as clean and beautiful as this. Here's what it used to look like. But now it's spotless. How? We moved everything five feet to the right. I bet you couldn't even tell. Here are four easy tips to help you actually declutter your home. Come on!
Four ways to help you actually declutter your home. Or at least look like you did.
Ugh. Look at all these clothes. Some don't fit; some are falling apart. You know, a lot of people would say you should just donate them. But why do that when you can just do what I do? Take these clothes and leave them in the back of your car forever. In fact, let's put them there right now. Oh, Christ! Oh! Or, instead of right now, we can do it later. Because I parked pretty far away, and I don't really feel like doing this right now. So, what we're gonna do is, we're just gonna put this right here. Yeah. We're gonna put that right there. And that's...that's fine. That's good. You know, yeah.
Over time that bag will become completely invisible to you. And if you don't see it, it's not clutter.
Two: A place for everything
You should have a designated place for everything. And if something doesn't have a place, well, maybe that's a sign that you should get rid of it. Or maybe you could just put it in the closet. I'm talking about "the closet." A realm without rules, without order. Chaos incarnate. The very thought of opening that door should fill you with a vague sense of dread. There is no logic to what fills the closet.
Which means, logically, anything can go in there. Like these free weights. I mean, you weren't gonna work out anyway. It's pretty full. So we will just put one of these right there. Woops! Woops! Woops! Ha-ha, woops! We'll just...uh, woops! Push that right...nope. We're just gonna... No, woops! Okay. Okay! Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna put one there. Put the other one...
No matter how clean your place is, apologize for the mess. And make your friends feel bad.
Papers. Papers. Papers. It's easy to let paperwork stack up, but don't let it! Most of this can get thrown out. Just inspect them piece by piece. This, for example, is... Hmm... Is this a bill? Was I supposed to pay this? When was this from? Okay. It says outstanding balance 50 dollars, but then it also says amount owed is zero dollars. It says this is not a bill. Why would you send that to me if... Well, you know, we'll just—we're gonna...we're—we'll call that an "I don't know." Okay? We'll just put that there, and we'll go back to that in a minute.
Now, this next one is... I thought I... So, uh... After reviewing everything, it looks like all these papers are in the "I don't know" pile. I'm too afraid to throw them out, and I'm too stupid to know how to deal with them. Luckily, we have a perfect place for this.
You've never seen a cable like this before in your life. And that means it's irreplaceable.
Four: Dust and grime
You know, sometimes you clean something, and then a week later, it's dirty again. A constant fight against this dirt invasion can be tiresome. Luckily, you can permanently end it with one step. Stop caring. Let's see what it looks like now. Yes. It's the same as before. But since it doesn't bother me, I feel much better about it. And the best part of this tip is that you can apply it to any part of your home. Happy cleaning, everyone!